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A suburbanite with delusions of being a wild-west frontiersman.
* Puts on a pair of snakeskin boots and drives a brand new, sparkling ~$50k short-bed Ford to his middle management job at a major corporation.
* Calls himself a "country boy" but has never even done any form of manual labor and probably has girl hands.
* Listens to "country" (country pop bullshit about "beer, trucks and guns" which virtue signals conservative politics, not real country/bluegrass which is melancholic and mostly about being broke, sad, or shooting your cheating wife).
* Owns 20 guns but never actually goes shooting because he has to drive an hour to the nearest range - will never know the joy of shooting random shit from your front porch.
* Spent $30k on a wedding with a hot gold digging wife who will age horribly and harass supermarket cashiers in her free time.
* Emigrated from California to another state but trash talks Californians who emigrate to other states, thinks he's "one of the good ones" because he votes Republican. Believes other Californians are "spreading their politics everywhere" while destroying old town politics with his own strain of wing nut libertarianism.
* reagan/bush '84 hat
Unionization rates have gone down and inequality has gone up for the past 60 years because of these retarded suburban cowboys. we should put them in a gulag until they learn how to do real work lmao
A Cowboy Mike is someone who doesn’t eat anything other than meat or cheese with the possible ketchup packet here and there.
Gosh, that boy is such a Cowboy Mike, he barely touched the BLT I packed for him
When you're doing her from behind, you grab her hair and tell her she's not as good as her sister. Then try to hang on for 7 seconds.
I was getting bored and decided to give her a cowboy fuck.
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A person (commonly a paleontologist or other scientist with odd fashion senses) who wears an unusual mixture of clothing, particularly a Hawaiin shirt with a cowboy hat and corduroy pants. Ironically they travel to many Arctic places, tropical places and other places (see the Nova special on Arctic Dinosaurs).
"I just love reading those scientific journals about dinosaur bones. Carl would be my tropical cowboy dream date."
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(n)A rural white male lacking employable skills or education, who receives or benefits indirectly or is directly dependent on federal or state government financially or via services, but also can include support by charity, community, parental or other dependance. Some welfare cowboys also denounce or are activly hostile towards their government at varying levels, posess extremist tendancies and in-group isolation, high susceptibility to peer pressure, marketing and branding, and hold prevalance of racist, antisocial and obstructionist propaganda.
(n)A welfare queen in a cowboy hat.
(n) Males (often angry or pre-instigated) are overarmed and uneducated, holding beliefs of dominance and entitlement, consume all resources around them, and hold disregard or ignorance for out-groups, social laws, public land usage and ecology. Welfare cowboys in certain cases can commit seditious criminal conspiracy, decade-lasting damage to lands though ranching practices, hunting camps and refuse, and pursue numerouns vanities including large trucks guns and toys. Many hold credit card and high interest debt exceeding $10,000 or are otherwise financally insolvent. Abuse of alcohol, tobacco, and meat/carb heavy diet lead to myriad health problems and medical expenses furthering welfare depenance
Female: Welfare Sow. Can posesses same attributes as male, or unique traits beyond, typically prescrition drug abuse, depression, strong religious tendencies and xenophobia.
"Turns out the Great American Cowboy is nothing more than a Welfare Cowboy, a taker, who uses up , damages and demands public resources for a fraction of fair market value"
"This plaque dedicates a trench of feces dug by Welfare Cowboys during their Alamo at the heron preserve"
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A male victim of business casual. Dockers cowboy most often pairs the pants that are the eponym of his species with plaid collared shirts, often of the short sleeved variety. While frequently an engineer, Dockers cowboy may also be a public accountant or a retail store manager. Dockers cowboy's immunity to fashion sense is an extreme, if unwitting, expression of heterosexuality.
Jane, why don't you ask Dockers cowboy what see-or-die activity involving a ball he will be watching on his large-screen television this weekend?
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An individual, usually male, that attires oneself in Western Wear for the sole purpose of engaging in intercourse. Normally has no logical reason for said attire, as the individual in question is usually not from the midwest, did not grow up on a ranch, and did not have a career attempting to remain upright on an angry bull.
Usually spotted at "Line Dancing Night", or in major metropolitan areas, hundreds of miles away from the nearest real "Cowboys".
Identified by; large, shiny belt buckle, excruciatingly tight "Wrangler" jeans, cowboy boots, plaid or sewn-design long-sleeve shirt (tucked into above mentioned jeans), and a pre-requisite "Cowboy" hat. The most desperate will also showcase a "Bolo" Tie, which can be used to strangle the offending "wannabe".
Will be easily reconizable in a group (esp. while dancing) due to first two inches of the fingers being trapped in the pockets of the jeans (theoretically due to their extreme constriction). Dancing will resemble a man playing pocket-pool while being Tasered.
Favors weak, tasteless, flaccid beer such as "Budweiser" or "Coors".
"Look at that cowboy wannabe, the only heiffer he's touched today is that fat girl he's grinding on."
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