I Can't Pick Usernames

I Can't Pick Usernames is a popular website, formed on the blogging platform, Tumblr. It is comprised of various humor-based memes, text posts, videos and GIFs.

"Jim, have are you following I Can't Pick Usernames?"
"You know it, my man!"

can't have a shit in detroit

Feeling terrible while in Detroit. Pretty obvious

Man I can't have a shit in Detroit

13👍 5👎

i can't take it anymore!

exclamtion used by those caught up in something unbearable.

After three hours of listening to the chemistry teacher's lecture on the nature of farts, a student cried out, "I can't take it anymore!"

49👍 17👎

I can't breathe

True of COVID-19 sufferers and of George Floyd. The key phrase at this moment in American history.

"I can't breathe, said Floyd as he was being suffocated. "I can't breathe" thought more than 100,000 victims as they were dying of Covid. "I can't breathe" chanted countless Americans in the streets, protesting enduring police brutality.

10👍 62👎

you can't do that on television

A show that started out on local TV in Canada on CJOH.
Executives of a station called "The Pinwheel Channel" in the US happened upon it and decided it was just what their station need. Then The Pinwheel Channel became Nickelodeon.
Then they had a hit.
Not only boosted the lulling stations ratings but also gave them their trademark slime scheme. Nick doesn't acknowledge this, perhaps because publicizing it will do no good to them. The slime would fall on someone when they said "I don't know." Water would also fall on someone who said "water."
It ran in the US from 1981-1990. It was such a big hit in the US, it left Canadians scratching their heads. Most Canadian children found the show disgusting and it never had a wide audience in its homeland.
Supposedly was cancelled because the show went through kids like a revolving door on crack and it was a tedious task to send royalty checks to 200+ different children.
Alanis Morissette appeared on about six episodes of the show in 1986, as a minor character.

GUY #1: Moose on You Can't Do That On Television was my first crush.
GUY #2: How 'bout Lisa Ruddy?
GUY #3: I don't know... (Glop...)
GUY #1: I'm so thirsty.
GUY #3: Would you like a glass of water? (Splash)

16👍 4👎

you can't polish a turd

An attempt to conceal and/or strive to improve misfortunate genes.

We all know at the end of the day, you can't polish a turd.

Enough said...

you can't polish a turd

83👍 35👎

I can't drive 55

A song about people that have the inability to drive at exactly 55MPH (55KPH in other places). Written by the replacer Sammy Hagar in the year of 1984.

Dude, I can't drive 55! It's not on my dashboard!

10👍 2👎