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When you don't show up for work, but do not call in sick or take a vacation day.
The goal is for no one to notice or question you, thus resulting in a free day off.
WARNING: May result in termination from job if caught.
- Hey man shouldn't you be at work right now?
- No I didn't feel like going, but I don't have any vacation time, so I'm just office spacing
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The office handjob is the person in the office that you would feel comfortable only giving the most simplistic, almost brainless task, something that is very hard to screw up. This is not the same person as the office bj, which requires some skills and certainly a different comfort level with who can handle such a task. The handjob task , after all is really something you could do yourself, just fine, and actually often do, but it is always better when someone else does it. Right?
Jackson to Murphy: Dude, Kurt finally got me that Mitchell report and now the boss wants 200 copies of it. Fuck that shit, I'm not an admin.
Murphy: Give it to the office handjob, Kurt's buddy Alex, he'll take care of it for you.
Jackson: ah, good thinking. He did a job for me last month.
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Office assistant, bending over purposefully to show off her thong.
There she goes, dropping her files again. She's such an 'office flossy.'
Look, sitting at the table... You can see her thong. She's got such an 'office flossy.'
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The Office Shark, unlike its aquatic counterpart, lives in a remote suburb of the Midwest. Unable to be self-sufficient the Shark relies on staff minnows to complete their work or be CHOMPED. Swiftly moving from cubical to cubical, Sharks have been known to bust minnows for going on Facebook, being inappropriately dressed for work, and not clocking in correctly.
Known for their condescending behavior and back handed compliments, Sharks generally have high placement in work settings due to interoffice relationships.
Sharks get out of hand at office parties, though they are supposed to be professional. The Shark is not above rigging competitions that are meant to be for minnows so that they win. Often times, being so inebriated they begin to spill office secrets, gossip, or blatantly insult minnows to their face. Many consider the Shark to be their friend, but do not be fooled, the Shark has many tricks up their fins. Sharks are very good at manipulating its minnows and often find out wrong doings through mind tricks. They sense fear, and have no problem torturing their prey. Office Sharks are found in many different locations, but generally do not fair well outside the office. If attacked by a Shark, its important to clear your internet history, save all harassing emails and speak to HR immediately.
"Office Shark is heading your way fyi!".
"Shark was a hot mess at the Christmas party, they throwing up in their office".
"Shark is mad I didn't do my PTO right".
"Sharks swimming around be careful".
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Office ghosting is like regular ghosting, but it is played against people with which you work.
"I was office ghosting Drew into the luchroom, he freaked out, and spilled his coffee!!"
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A piece of ass that you would only consider hitting because it is at work and there isn't much else to compare it to. Outside of work, you probably wouldn't look at twice, unless you've had several beers.
I saw Kristen from accounting out the other night, and she doesn't look that good in a bar full of other hot chicks. I think she's just office ass.
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The one guy in the office that everyone hates.
Has no social skills, is unhelpful and usually has a horribly messy work area.
Likely to be a sex pest.
Office Worker 1: How come no one ever invites Tom to the pub?
Office Worker 2: Because he's the Office Cunt.
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