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Fat ass middle-age bitch whose whole life revolves around her children. Drives a mini-van or large SUV due to multiple children. Usually puts stickers on the back car window saying things such as, "Ashley #10 Soccer." Their day consists of:
-Wake up & pack lunches for kids (No sweets, pop, or anything unhealthy)
-Make sure the kids eat a nutritional breakfast
-Review the kids outfits
-Drive them to school
-Clean
-Pick them up from school
-Take ___ to soccer, ___ to ballet, and ___ to bible study.
-Pick all the kids up and get them all happy meals from McDonald's.
-Tells kids to start getting ready for bed, because it is already 7 PM
-Has very unpleasant sex with their apathetic husbands once kids are fast asleep
Commonly enjoys wearing knit sweaters with high water jeans. Usually have cheesy knick-knacks in their home, such as plates hung on the wall that say things like, "Hope" "Faith" "Believe" etc. Their children are extremely shielded from the real world, not being allowed to watch anything with bad language or sexual references. Can only watch PG-13 movies once they actually turn 13. Must be approved by the soccer mom first. Can't buy music, watch TV, hang out with friends, or anything without approval from their soccer mom first. They install V-Chips and/or parental controls on 3/4 of the TV channels. This leaves educational channels, which they usually end up blocking because of real life content. Ex. The History Channel, The Animal Planet. Usually pushes their hopes and dreams on their kids and forces them to follow them, which ends up failing epically. Their kids are so sheltered and forced to give up their individuality, which results in corruption. Their "perfect little angels" are usually hoes, sluts, bitches, potheads, drug users, drunks, or just all around bad kids behind their back. Heavy denial is involved at this point. Soccer moms are strictly christian, anything that doesn't have to do with it is the "devil's work." Soccer moms are constantly seen glaring at teenagers who curse or are "rowdy" in any sort of way. Tries to tell teens, who are complete strangers, what they can and can't do.
Teen: *picks up an R rated movie*
Soccer mom: *death glare* That movie is full of gore, you aren't old enough to watch it. Put in back, NAO.
Teen: Fuck off fat-ass bitch.
Soccer mom: *goes to the store manager to complain*
Nothing happens because the store manager is fed up with frumpy fat ass soccer moms who complain every two fucking seconds.
115👍 25👎
Any parent (most commonly female) who seeks to impose their ethical and moral standards upon the rest of the world, justifying the suppression of all other views by claiming it is for the protection of their children. Soccer moms believe that they are all great parents, despite their inability or unwillingness to take responsibility for their children.
Soccer moms are responsible for almost every act of censorship, and almost every frivolous safety "feature" or warning label seen on products today. Movies and games that contain strong language, graphic violence, strong language, or references to the occult are banned on behalf of soccer moms, because they cannot be bothered to pay attention to what their children are watching or playing. They are the reason that the rear windows of certain vehicles, the Ford Taurus for example, can only be rolled down approximately 12 inches (or .3 meters), and there is no option to allow you to disable this "safety feature." They are the reason that bags of peanuts say "Warning: May contain nuts." That's intelligent.
Soccer moms are also a major contributing factor to the gas price hike that America has experienced in recent years. They attempt to stand out and look "rugged" by driving SUVs. They do not realize that an SUV is not an economy car. It is large, it is ponderous, and it takes a good deal of distance to come to a stop. It is designed to be abused like no other vehicle, by towing trailers, hauling heavy cargo, and driving off road. Instead, they have been converted to child haulers and grocery getters. They consume twice as much gas as a station wagon, which would perform the same tasks admirably. Soccer moms dismiss the fuel consumption with the excuse "If I can afford the gas, why should you care?" This demonstrates their absolute lack of economic knowledge, as it shows that they are completely ignorant of one of the most basic economic concepts: supply and demand. They use more gasoline, but the same amount is refined. The result is higher gas prices for all.
So, to summarize, they cause high gas prices, needless censorship, inconvenient "safety features," numerous traffic accidents, and an entire generation of their spawn ("rebellious" youth who are angst ridden and void of any and all responsibility and morality).
I hope this shows, conclusively, that soccer moms are the scourge of this land, and the movement must be eliminated at all costs.
Get on the highway and look around. 1 out of every 3 people you see is one of these wretched "Soccer Moms"
449👍 114👎
Bitches who (like Jack Thompson) hate violent video games/ movies and try to censor anything and everything that is evil and/or satanic. She usally drives a huge-ass Minivan and/or SUV. She doesn't buy her kids T rated games, let alone M and AO rated games. To her, up to PG is the only movie rating her kids can watch. She also has an utter hatred for anime. Her kids are usually on the honor roll and participates in many after-school activities as possible (usually soccer). Some other activities her little fuckers might be in is Football, Basketball, Baseball, Band, etc. She sometimes volunteers at their kid's school and goes on school trips with them. Their home computer is installed with NetNanny or some other shit program that blocks "non-approprite material/content". The TV is installed with the V-Chip and has every TV rating show blocked except for TV-Y.
Soccer Moms suck and should die.
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30-50 year old white female, middle to upper class who drives an SUV/Minivan, thinks the world revolves around her 'perfect-angel' children. She lives the good life only because her husband is the success. She harbors feelings of inadequacy, and secretly (although she won't admit it) wants to be fucked by black men.
1761👍 499👎
Generally a middle-class to high-class Caucasian woman, 30-50 years of age. She drives a minivan. Doesn't give a damn that all the other kids at their "sweet little angel's" school think they are arrogant brats because they have been raised by a soccer mom. Forbids their kids to listen to any kind of music except Kidz Bop, the suckiest band of all time. Has all the channels blocked on TV except for PBS Kids. Even Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network (also sucky channels) are unsafe because the characters are mean to their siblings. (Welcome to reality, soccer moms.) Won't let kids see any movie that's PG-13 or R. If it's PG, she must watch it first. Involves her kids in many after school activities. Won't let her kids use the Internet because you know every website on the Net is crawling with rapists and child molesters and sexual predators and criminals and robbers and murderers. Ugh!
I'm a teenager. So I was spending some of my birthday money and walked out of the store one day with a see-through bag loaded with a pack of tampons, a few shaving razors, some shaving cream, Green Day's Bullet in a Bible, season 6 of Seinfeld, a miniskirt, and a box of movie popcorn. A soccer mom comes up to me and says "Why do you use tampons? Why do you shave your legs? You're too young. Green Day? Have you ever listened to Kidz Bop? They're wonderful. Seinfeld is so inappropriate. Why don't you watch Arthur? You shouldn't wear a miniskirt. And do you know how many calories are in that bow of popcorn?" I told her, "I'm a teenager, moron, so I should be using tampons and shaving my legs. Kidz Bop sucks and so does Arthur, miniskirts are not inappropriate, and I don't watch my weight. I'm only 75 pounds. So SCREW YOU!" She covered her kid's ears and told me not to use that language. I repeated, "SCREW YOU!" and walked away.
98👍 21👎
A game in which two males take turns flicking one another’s testicles with increasing intensity. The first one to give up looses the game. Common to locker rooms across the globe
I just won a game of finger soccer, now my balls hurt like hell.
13👍 1👎
1. Similar to soccer mom.
2. Mandatory sideline attendance at every game, practice and other events relating to soccer. Helps in decided cleat style and sock color. Responsible for watching over important items during games (i.e cell phones which you must answer, keys, iPods). In any win or loss situation, the soccer girlfriend is rewarded with sweaty hugs and kisses.
Soccer girlfriends drive Hondas, not minivans.
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