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Sparkling vagina. Not a vampire. Not a fairy. Not the "perfect gentleman". Just a huge, sparkling, vagina.
Obessed teen girl: "Omg, Edward Cullen is the hottest vampire ever!!"
Smart girl: "No, he's not. Hell, he's not even a vampire. He's a sparkling vagina."
35👍 18👎
Edward I (17 June 1239 – 7 July 1307), popularly known as Longshanks, thanks to Mel Gibson's "Braveheart". Longshanks achieved historical fame as the whitest brit to conquer the shit out of parts of Wales and almost succeeded in fucking everyone over in Scotland. But when that prick finally kicked the bucket his queer son Edward II took the throne and just took it right in the ass and failed to do anything to those lovable Scots. Longshanks reigned for a long ass time because he was an evil bastard and everyone knows those fucks live forever.
Edward Longshanks probably wanted to bang that French princess that his son didn't like because she didn't have a penis.
Even though you're the prince of darkness you're still no Longshanks.
44👍 25👎
John and Edward are contestants in the 2009 Series of X Factor. They are often booed by the audience because they "Cannot sing" and always avoid the final 2. Their mentor is Louis Walsh, who put them into the final for publicity, and, because they are Irish. A lot of people throughout the country hate the duo, but no matter how much people hate them, they are still getting votes. If they win the competition, Simon Cowell will leave the country.
Teenage girl: Jesus Christ not these again! I want a hot group not these Irish jokers!
Guy: Oh my god who are these idiots? Oh wait, John and Edward! I'm sorry guys, i thought it was someone else! You're awesome! *Gets hit in face by girlfriend*
35👍 19👎
A creepy pedophile who preys on younger girls who have man voices.
Evidence:
Edward is very old, in his hundreds yet likes a 17 year old
Pretends to be high school student
Watches said manly girl in their sleep
Is gay, VERY gay
Edward Cullen *watching Bella sleep*
"I'm a creepy pedophile"
42👍 24👎
ok wow I got shown the link to this and at first i found it hillerious.
Then it continues and I must say is quite depressing seriously you women need a life.
I must say this just so that you might move on Edward Cullen doesnt exist and the actual human form will never like you lol.
Why would he????
Get a life people
Edward Cullen = Stupid 14 year old girls retarted
61👍 38👎
A non-existant paedophile that stalks girls.
Some girls are "Twi-hard fans" and enjoy it though. Freaks.
Girl1: I woke up and saw him standing there watching me! How the fuck did he get in my room?!
Girl2: Cedric Diggory?!
Girl1: Nah! Edward Cullen! You know, that new freak in school with girl lips?
9👍 3👎
A fucktard wannabe vampire that is in love with Bella, a fucktard herself. (Omg they should make babies of the FUCKTARD species! Oh, wait! Don't they already have a fucktard child?) He's a vegetarian vampire. A vampire that sucks on animal blood. Not human. And he SPARKLEZ? Nice, he sparkles, also. Yeah, I think Stephanie Meyer got the wrong idea of a REAL VAMPIRE. He's just a faggot pansy fairy that stalks Bella. (Apparently that's "romance" to him) Bella is even more of a fucktard that she even FELL for him! Are you serious?
P.S. If you have NOT read the Twilight Saga, DON'T! JUST DON'T! Don't touch that series if you value your brain cells. That alone is one of the government's conspiracy theories that's gonna kill us all.
Twifan: Like, Oh my god. Edward Cullen is so darn cute! You should read Twilight!
Person: Yeah, I rather not. I'd love to keep my brain cells.
Twifan: How can you survive without reading TWILIGHT?! IT'S THE BEST!!!
Person: Unlike you, I actually want to pass and graduate.
28👍 15👎