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A guy who sucks himself off watching a wetsuit drying on a clothesline
Da fuck outta here you dirty fuckin garden turtle
When two penis heads touch together.
This most commonly happens during a threesome via an act called "double penetration" when two males accidentally pull out at the same time and knock the tips of their penises together. "Hey bro, I didn't mean to turtle knock you last night, It was a total accident."
A plastic single use straw, that ultimately ends up in a turtle's nose.
Me: No turtle shank in my drink, please.
Bar Tender: What's that?
Me: A straw.
Bar Tender: Ohhh. Got it.
*Australian definitive example.
Post-turtle
While stitching up the hand of a 75 year old Queensland farmer, who got cut on a gate while working cattle, the rural doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Kevin-07 and his appointment to Prime Minister of Australia.
“Well, ya know,” drawled the old farmer, “this Rudd fella is what they call a fencepost turtle.”
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a fencepost turtle was.
The old farmer said, “when you’re driving along a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s called a fencepost turtle.”
The old farmer saw a puzzled look on the doctor’s face, so he continued to explain,
“You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he definitely doesn’t belong up there, he doesn’t know what to do while he is up there, and you just gotta wonder what kind of dill put him up there in the first place!
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A masturbation device, home made or store bought
Hugo offered to hold my velvet turtle while I break it in.
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The tip of a turd that has opened your asshole just enough to peek out at the world.
I'm squeezing as hard as I can to hold it in, but I got a turtle head poking out.
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A phrase used to describe the act of female masturbation, especially if she hasn't in a while. If you know a female who is acting cranky, bitchy, or suspicious, chances are, she could use a good turtle buttering.
"Becky, you look a bit under the weather, maybe you should go butter that turtle, it's the best thing for you."- Becky's Grandmother
Rhianna likes to butter the turtle whenever she's on stage.
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