Rural Dictionary

St. Ignatius

There are a few St. Ignatius High Schools across the country, but this is a definition of the one in Cleveland, Ohio.

St. Ignatius offers the best combination of athletics and academics out of any school in northeastern Ohio.

Ignatius offers a challenging college preparatory curriculum that not only educates the mind but also the heart. To have chance to be admitted, students usually need at least what would be equivalent to about a 3.5 GPA in grade school. Most Ignatius graduates will tell you that college was far easier for them academically than high school was due to Ignatius' outstanding preparation. Suburban public high schools like to talk about how they might of been rated "excellent" by the state of Ohio, but the truth (even with the best ones like Solon, Chagrin Falls, Brecksville, Hudson, Shaker Heights) is that they ain't shit compared to Ignatius. Unlike most other schools, St. Ignatius uses a grading scale of A+=98-100, A=95-97, A-=93-94, and so on, with a 70 being the lowest passing grade; while at pretty much all other schools, it's A=90-100, B=80-89, C=70-79, D=60-69, F=0-59 with no plus or minus grades. Most kids with a 4.0 GPA at a public school would probably struggle to break 3.0 at Ignatius, if that much. The east side private schools like University might be slightly stronger that Ignatius at academics, due to their affiliated grade schools, but they cost more that twice as much a year for tuition, and they can only compete with Ignatius in the typical "rich boy" sports like hockey, lacrosse, golf, and tennis.

Speaking of sports, St. Ignatius is commonly accepted as the home of the best overall high school athletic program in Ohio, as said by Sports Illustrated. I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that Ignatius has won at least one state championship in every boys sport sanctioned by the OHSAA. Some teams are definitely stronger than others, but none of them can be called anything less than "pretty good." You will hear public school fans bitch and moan about how we "recruit" kids to play sports, but a school with sports and academics the caliber of Ignatius recruits itself. When was the last time you saw an Ignatius coach at a CYO football or basketball game? The coaches who are there are always from smaller Catholic high schools like Padua, Holy Name, Trinity, etc.

The main rival of St. Ignatius is St. Edward High School, another all-male Catholic school located a few miles away in Lakewood. St. Ed's may have a superior wrestling program, but in all other sports they are either equal or worse than St. Ignatius. And it's not even close as far as academics goes. As I said before Ignatius only allows top students to attend their school, but Ed's will let pretty much any dumbass in. Many of their athletes are the stereotypical meathead jocks: they're dumb, cocky, rude, and expect the other students and their teachers to line up to kiss their ass because of their sports talent, and most happily comply. I've never known any athletes at Ignatius who are like that, and the school gives them no special privileges. A lot of St. Ed's people see Ignatius as elitist because our tuition might cost $500 a year more (for a higher quality product, that is), but in reality Ed's has just as many rich kids as Ignatius while Ignatius is far more generous with financial aid to those who need it.

Other St. Ignatius facts:

-A lot of inferior schools think we're all gays or woman haters because of the fact we're all boys, but this is obviously just done out of jealousy.

-Ignatius does have cliques based on what sports or activities people like, just like any other school, but there's never really any kind of bullying or animosity. Everyone respects everyone, and everybody can find a group of friends they can fit in with.

-We're not just a sports school, we have just completed a new performing arts center that is the best out of any other local high schools.

Every year St. Ignatius sends its top graduates to colleges such as the Ivy League, the service academies, Notre Dame, Georgetown, and Boston College. The best students at (Random Suburb) High School are lucky if they can get into Ohio State.

Typical St. Ignatius athlete (Anthony Gonzalez): Maintains a 4.0 GPA throughout high school and college, where he graduates with a philosophy degree in 3 years, and becomes a 1st round NFL draft pick.

Typical St. Edward athlete (Alex Boone): Drinks a case of Budweiser a night throughout high school and college. In high school, he knows that as football star he doesn't need to have any respect for his teachers or schoolwork. When a new teacher at Ed's, not familiar with him or the school's jock ass-kissing culture, gives him a detention for coming to class in his usual t-shirt and jeans instead of the uniform of dress shirt, tie, and dress pants, he says, "Don't you know who the fuck I am?", files a complaint with the administration, and receives no punishment while the new teacher is damn near fired from her job. Is hyped as the next great offensive lineman at Ohio State, but becomes a decent, rather than great player because it's a lot harder to block defensive linemen in the Big Ten when you're hungover. After leaving college without graduating, he trains in the hope that he will be drafted into the NFL, but has to settle for being an undrafted free agent after going apeshit in a parking lot while drunk.

Or, like Troy Smith, they flunk out or get kicked out for bad behavior, but always have a spot waiting for them at Glenville.

Our famed alma mater graces
Every shrine within our hearts
With her unforgotten faces
And the faith that she imparts.
Years in passing cannot sever
Ties of new days from the old.
We're Ignatius men forever
As we hail the blue and gold.

On! Ignatius with your gold and blue,
You're the best team that we ever knew;
You've got what it takes to win this game,
Honor to your name! RAH! RAH! RAH!
Fight, you Wildcats of Ignatius High!
Their old team can bid this game good-bye;
On the old beam now, you blue and gold team now,
And fight to victory!

by better than you since 1886 August 29, 2009

212👍 206👎

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