Random
Source Code
Random
A law inherent in nature that states that everything that goes wrong in life is all Boyle's fault. It is mathematically represented by the formula Fault = Boyle(pi)^2 / DM, where DM equals the coefficient of Doug Mirabelli, experimentally found by the scientist and religious guru Bhanu Lama to have a value of 5.47 x 10^-3.
Man, I totally flunked that test yesterday. If Boyle hadn't fucked it up, I would've passed. Citing Boyle's Law, I know that it's all Boyle's fault.
34👍 5👎
A variant of Godwin's Law: As an online discussion of gun owners' rights grows longer, the probability of an ad hominem attack involving penis size approaches 1.
Person 1: I carry a gun to try to keep my family and I safe by exercising a Constitutionally-protected natural right.
Person 2: Hah! You carry a gun because you have a small penis, and you are trying to make up for it!
Person 1: Well, I guess Markley's Law is still true.
216👍 50👎
As any form of interaction grows longer, the probability of the topic switching to internet memes approaches 1.
"So, did you do anything yesterday evening?"
"Nothing special, went on a double date."
"DOUBLE DATE ALL THE WAY!"
"Elwin's Law all over again"
24👍 3👎
The day Martial Law is declared, is the day you wake up and realize that your Constution/bill of Rights/Charter of Rites and Freedoms/etc. is really just about as valuable as that Kleenex you just spunked in... because rites are just privileges, and privileges can be revoked. Your government will do whatever it takes to stay in power, and they got the gunz...
Martial Law can be recognized by the increased presence of men with plexiglass shields and/or sub-machine-guns, a pale green fog that tastes, smells and feels like burning, random acts of hippy clubbing and indiscriminate shooting into crowds.
If your going to "get your loot on" its best to do it during the Preceding state of emergency, because once Martial Law is declared, the party's over. Usually once Martial Law is declared, its best to just stay home, tune into your local state-owned media outlet and do what they say. The punishment for most criminal offenses becomes summary execution, and most of the things you might do out in public become criminal offenses.
Looting = criminal offense = shot on sight
Exercising freedom of speech= criminal offense= disappeared (shot out of sight)
looking like you might be a 'rebel' = criminal offense = a. shot on sight or b. disappeared
On the street after curfew = criminal offense = shot on sight
Looking at the officer the wrong way = criminal offense = shot on sight
If you must go out, try not to wear that 'Rage Against the Machine' tee-shirt, red stars, or clenched-fist logos, as these may attract unwanted bursts of well-aimed fire in your direction.
Remember that meeting you went to back in college? Where the guy at the front was talking about "property is theft" this, and "smash the state" that? Which you attended just so you could meet that cute outspoken Alternachick from your poli-sci class? Well, I hope she put out because thats the reason you have to agents beating on you with a phone book, trying to get a confession out of you... in the washroom of a stadium-turned-detention center. Was she worth it? (tip: just confess, the electrodes are next and a tap to the back of the head hurts less).
"Rites? Didn't you hear son? Its Martial Law! Agent Jonston, hand me those electrodes will you?"
985👍 262👎
An epiphany of cognition that supersedes all reason. It is akin to thisness and whatness; is the law actually a law, or just the thought of what a law is? You will only know if it has happened, after it has happened. It requires no translation; no correlations; no other relevancy. It just is.
Anything that only makes sense to the person doing it is Maslin Law. For instance, a person who insists on playing a drinking game by a rule or rules which no one has ever heard of, Maslin Law. You can only witness examples of Maslin Law after it has happened.
299👍 73👎
Techies Law is a definition coined by Strictly-Software.com to describe a Murphies Law type scenario related to software development.
The law states that:
If you have spent considerable time trying to resolve a bug in your code, a technical problem or any other such computer related issue and you finally resort to asking for help from a colleague or support team member. You can be rest assured that when you go to show that person the problem in action it has miraculously resolved itself all by itself OR you will immediately spot the cause of the problem.
You are then derided for either being a numpty and / or wasting their precious time for no reason.
I just experienced Techies Law in action. After spending hours trying to debug some code I reluctantly called our lead developer over to help me but as soon as he arrived at my desk I immediately realised what the bug was. He called me a numpty.
I am going to utilise Techies Law by spending a third of the time I usually spend bug fixing before asking for help.
I am going to pray to the God of Geekdom that Techies Law will enact itself and fix my network connection for me by calling someone else over to have a look at the problem.
Justin's law refers to the tendency of impressive feats performed by an individual to occur unwitnessed by others. In some formulations, Justin's law is extended to include an individual's inability to recreate the feat when observed by the group.
"No one was paying attention when I did a kick flip. I blame Justin's law."