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The universal scientific law which states that for every ass-eater, there must be an accompanying ass-eatee to maintain the balance between both sides of the ass-eating spectrum. For every person who claims to be both, there must also exist a person that claims to be neither. Similar to Newton’s Law of Equal and Opposite Reactions.
Person 1: Dude I absolutely love eating ass, what about you?
Person 2: Actually, I enjoy getting my ass eaten, which means the two of us successfully satisfy the Law of Ass Eating Conservation
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An elite organization strictly focused on studying and protecting Water Pandas and their natural habitat.
1.Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I think about how my life has no meaning. Becoming a member of the The Water Panda Conservation Project (WPCP) will make me appear to be a good person with a life purpose.
Our times are regressing to new forms of unjustified persecution never seen before. Wake up folks. The great culling online has begun. Who's going to stand up to the media and silicon valley regime?
Reporter walks up to old lady conservative.... 'Did you know you are a Russian bot"
Lady: no I am not.
Reporter: but it shows on your Facebook that you support the 2nd amendment and have a distrust in the media as well as believe in small government.
Lady: excuse me? Are trying to false label me into silence?
Reporter: well the Russians control your Facebook page and we believe you colluded with them.
Lady: my family fought for free speech. Let's have a war with YOU the media and companies silencing conservatives.
The Great Online Conservative/Libertarian Culling makes me want to help start a new fresh revolution.
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The tendency for conservatives to think largely in terms of black and white for every single issue on the planet. Mostly a result of an absolutist religious upbringing, I believe.
An example,
Bob, a 43 year old loving father of two, with a spotless criminal record, assaults a sixteen year old girl. Everyone is shocked and puzzled. When caught, he has a nervous breakdown and is put in a mental institution. There, he undergoes various tests and scans. Doctors discover a giant tumor in the part of the brain responsible for sexual activities.
They remove it via surgery, and he's back to normal again. There's no doubt about it - from similar cases we can see that tumors in that part of the brain drive normal men crazy. What to do?
Liberal: After having considered all the evidence, I don't see any point in incarcerating him. He's not a threat. I fucking hate worthless child molesters but he clearly can't be held responsible for this. Probation should do, just in case I'm wrong. (though i doubt it)
Moderate: The science involved certainly seems to indicate that he's not responsible for this disgusting deed. Given his prior record, he doesn't seem like a threat. Still, I'm not totally convinced. A year in prison maybe? More testing, in any case.
Conservative: Why the fuck are we even talking about this? Tumors don't do anything anyway, that's just a THEORY! Has everyone lost their fucking mind, he attacked a helpless child! Stone him to death! Oh wait, I forgot that we don't live in Afghanistan or Iran. Well in that case, give 'im the lethal injection. Shit, that's not allowed for non-murderers? SHIT! I swear, liberals are bleeding this fucking country dry! DEATH TO LIBERALS!!! *waves rebel flag*
Conservative Black and White Thinking Disorder is a major problem in the US, sadly. Mostly as a result of religious faith.
For another example, see black and white thinkers.
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Don't let Ben Shrimpo fool ya. He's fake. He literally got caught on a mic saying "cut out the part where I said 'pansexual'". Don't believe me? There's more! Remember how he claimed that Trump would supposedly destroy conseratives? Stay away from him🍤
Ben Shapiro (A.K.A the fake conservative): Can you cut out the part where I said "pansexual"? Yeah that sounds kinda weird.
Me: Oh look who it is.
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Public enemy #1.
The communists will get rid of all white conservative straight christian males
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Though the ultimate causes of WCCDS are unknown, it is believed to result from situations where an individual’s beliefs about the way the world is and ought to be differ significantly from available evidence about the way the world actually is. It is frequently accompanied by inexplicable feelings of persecution and a pronounced tendency toward tribalism. WCCDS is named for its prevalence among conservative members of the majority White-Christian demographic in the United States.
Symptoms of White Conservative Christian Derangement Syndrome include mistrust of foreigners and people of different ethnic backgrounds; mistrust of the United Nations; fourth grade understanding of both world and United State history; little or no understanding of science, yet stubborn need to form opinions about it; inconsistent attitudes concerning the policies of liberal and conservative politicians (e.g. may favor a policy under conservative leadership, yet reject similar policy initiatives under liberal leadership); belief that the Bible is literally true and accurate, and therefore supersedes other types of information; belief that Ayn Rand's science fiction books are serious academic treatments of sociological and economic problems.
"What's the diagnosis Doc?"
"Well, you report feelings of persecution which you link to a 'socialist dictator president'. Is that correct?"
"Yes."
"You believe companies attempting to appeal to broader consumer demographics by saying 'Happy Holidays' rather than 'Merry Christmas' constitutes an attack on your religious values and liberties?"
"Yessir!"
"The idea of marriage equality represents - in your words - an 'assault on traditional marriage and the constitution'?"
"That's right."
"You believe in a 'politically motivated scientific establishment', that anthropogenic climate change and Darwinian evolution are hoaxes, and that your religious beliefs about the way the world was created should be taught in public science classrooms?"
"Absolutely."
Doctor removes glasses, looks gravely at patient. "I fear you have contracted White Conservative Christian Derangement Syndrome. At this point, we simply do not have a cure."
Patient breaks into sloppy, stuttered sobbing. "What can I do Doc?"
"At this point, the best I can do is recommend you refrain from watching Fox News, listening to conservative talk radio, and visiting websites like Drudge and WND. Perhaps try visiting your local library, checking out books on science and history. All we can do after that is wait and hope."
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