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The fearless sergeant at the Battle of Gettysburg, who single-handedly vanquished the entire Confederate army in one swift fart. Unfortunately, he was killed in battle, and is still remembered to this day as the nudest hero of the Civil War. He was buried in his own soil in Piqua, Ohio.
David: I just read about the one and only Captain Underpants.
Jake: He was such a great man.
Both: Amen
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Ex-Commander of the Soviet Submarine K-19. Polenin is under great pressure from the Russian leadership to not only launch on time, but to have the new flagship of the fleet ready for a successful missile test firing to get the attention of the U.S. government. The fact that some systems in the K-19 seem to be faulty and fail on a regular basis is of no concern for the government, and they believe that Captain Polenin has put the safety of his crew over the interests of the Communist Party. Russia, by thus, decides that Capt. Polenin is not fit to command the ship. Since Polenin knows the ship and crew well, he is assigned to stay aboard the K-19 as an executive officer under the command of Captain. Alexi Vostrikov
See Captain Vostrikov
Captain Polenin: "At every stage of this disaster which came within moments of being a far greater disaster, the officers and crew did what had to be done. 7 are now dead. And nobody knows how many more are dying or how fast. These are the men who returned home to be interrogated as if a crime had been commited. Questioned, even when undergoing treatment for radiation poisoning. Locked up and denied access to wives and families. But they and their comrades saved K-19. And maybe, just maybe, they saved all of you as well."
Soviet Brass: "Thank you Capt. Polenian"
Captain Polenin: "One thing more, please."
Soviet Brass: "Thank you-"
Captain Polenin: "No Captain, in the Soviet Navy has ever been faced with such decisions. The fate of the boat, the crew... the fate of the world. All in the balance. (sighs) The Navy is my life, and one thing I know: there can be only one captain of a ship. The burden of command is on his shoulders, and his alone. None of you. None of you has the right to judge Capt. Vostrikov. You weren't there... I was. He was our captain, he was my captain. (Looks over at Captain Vostrikov and stands at attention) And it would be an honor, to sail under his command again."
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after sex finding pubic hair stuck to the sides and base of your penis head that looks like the back of captain stubings head from the love boat
She had so much pubic hair when I pulled it out I thought I was staring at Captain Stubing on the bridge of the love boat
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Quite Probably the most kickass super hero ever. In his right hand, he has a rocket launcher that shoots exploding chainsaws, and his left he uses for everything except using the chainsaw rocket launcher gun thing. He is a bald black man with a slight beard, and doesn't bother wearing a costume. It is said that he once walked into a hospital and in just 9 months the hospital overflowed with the nurses mixed babies. He eats lesser superheros for breakfast, like superman and wolverine, and shits out people like aquaman. His pet is a three headed fire breathing dog named Cerberus. Captain kickass Single-handedly took on Raptor jesus and Robot Hitler at the same time. He shaves with a steak knife.
Fact's about captain kickass
1. He's kickass
2. He's not actually a captain, he is mo..w3ephp;hui9
3. He just killed the man who was previously writing this article.
4. He went to prison once, and a man named Bubba tried to have his way with him. They still haven't gotten the stains off of the floor.
5. He had gone to jail for manslaughter. It was actually just the first time he had sex.
6. Those pictures of bigfoot are actually of captain kickass. he just forgot to shave.
7. He once decapitated a man with a rusty spork for pronouncing Tupac as "two-pack".
8. He stabbed a tyrannosaurus Rex with his penis once, and one month later, a man emerged from the carcass. His name is Chuck Norris.
1st person: Hey Captain kickass just walked by.
2nd person: That explains the fact that every woman within a mile just had their water break.
1st person: But my wife's here, and she's not pregnant.
2nd person: She is now.
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Super cool flying boner thats aim in life is to save the human race from infertilisation
"oh captain boner thank god your here, without you i never would have become fertile" "thats ok sonny boy, everyone deserves the right to inpregnate another being, man, woman, cat, dog, grandma..."
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The captain of the U.S.S Enterprise NCC-1701D. The best fucking Starfleet captain (next to kirk...duhhh...). Probably the only captain that would be able to face down Captain Kirk and live to tell about it.
(Speaking about First Officer)
Captain Picard: He's a tyrannical martinet who will never, ever allow me to go on away missions.
Data: That is the regulation, sir. Starfleet code section 12, paragraph 4...
Picard: Mr. Data...
Data: Sir?
Picard: Shut up.
Data: Yes, sir.
Picard: to the wedding guests 15 years I've been waiting to say that.
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Someone who is a champion of the reacharound technique, man or woman who espouses the joy of giving and receiving pleasure.
Also a great idea if invited to a Superhero themed party!
Ben "Thanks for that mate, I got off too!"
Steve "That's why they call me "Captain Reacharound". I'm a giver.
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