ted danson tumbleweed

A sexual act in which, during fellatio, you remove your unit from your partner's mouth during climax, cum in your own pubic hair, and rub their face in it.

You know Ted Danson gave Shawnee Smith the ol' Ted Danson tumbleweed.

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ted cruz face

If you happen to uses Preparation H for vaginall lube.
Your child will look like senator Ted Cruz.

Why is your baby so fuckin Ugly?
Well that's what happens when you run out of KY. And your wife's pussy can't make it's own spit.
You get a baby with Ted Cruz Face.

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On my Ted Cruz

To abandon or flee a tragic situation.

Wife just informed me it’s shark week so I guess I’ll be on my Ted Cruz until further notice.

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Cold as Ted Williams' Head

A state of coldness that is so completely cold, its akin to having one's head (or body) placed into a vat of liquid Nitrogen. In other words, really freaking cold!

Dude #1: Dude, did you see the weather report for this weekend?!

Dude #2: Dude, yeah man, its going to be Cold as Ted Williams' Head!
Dude #1: Dude, that's some cold fucking shit!
Dude #2: Dude.

Have you met Ted?

An introductory technique initiated by a single person's Wingman, first seen in the CBS Comedy "How I Met Your Mother". The Wingman gains the attention of a prospective partner for their friend, by tapping them on the shoulder, and then stating only the line "Haaaaave you met Ted?" (substituting the name of "Ted", the main protagonist of the show, with the name of the single person), and then walking away, leaving the newly acquainted pair to continue a conversation. This technique is often done to the dismay of the single person.

*Wingman Taps random on the Shoulder*
"Have you met Ted?"
Random: "No, I haven't---"
Wingman walks away.
Ted: "Hi, I'm Ted"
Random: "Hi, I'm Cindi".

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National Ted Kaczynski Day

March 23rd is the national Ted Kaczynski day. March (the third month) is for the three victims that got trolled. It’s reasoning for being on the 23rd day of March is for the 23 victims that got slightly trolled

Josh: Yo it’s national Ted Kaczynski day!!
Chad: Based.

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Thank You Ted, That Was The Joke

A phrase used when a person explains the punchline to a joke. A quip first used in Family Guy. While cards, Peter says that aces "go both way", prompting Ted Turner to say "Just like a bisexual!" Michael Eisner responds with "Thank you Ted, that was the joke."

Bob: How do you confuse a blond?
James: I don't know, how?
Bob: Put her in a circular room and tell her to find the corner.
James: Hahah! There isn't a corner in a circular room!
Bob:Thank you Ted, that was the joke.

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