Sod's Logic

The use of Sod's Law to one's own advantage.

Used Sod's Logic today. Really didn't want it to rain on my picnic today, so I brought an umbrella with me.
OR
I really want this person I fancy at work to talk to me. Today I didn't wash, do my hair or wear clean clothes and I'm hungover. 99% guaranteed today's the day they start speaking to me.

Alcoholic's Logic

Type of logic an Alcoholic has, whether they are in recovery or not. This logic may not make sense to anyone who isn't an alcoholic.

Alcoholic: When you fix that kitchen cabinet to the wall to house the double oven, for extra peace of mind I'd like you to screw in two brackets, fixed to the wall behind the cabinet, under the shelf the oven will sit on.
Non alcoholic: Here we go, alcoholic's logic again!

Cartoon Logic

AKA Cartoon Physics.

A law in cartoons that states that if something impossible would be amusing if it actually happened, then it will happen.

That's not the entire rule, either; see below.

The full definition of Cartoon Logic is as follows:

*Should the character be able to do this?

> Yes No

*Would it be funny if they couldn't?

> Yes No

*They can't do it.

----

*Should the character be able to do this?

Yes > No

*Would it be funny if they could?

> Yes No

*They can do it.

----

*Should the character be able to do this?

> Yes No

*Would it be funny if they couldn't?

Yes > No

*They can do it.

----

*Should the character be able to do this?

Yes > No

*Would it be funny if they could?

Yes > No
*They can't do it.

Cartoon logic

Logic based on fallacies that cannot be backed up by actual evidence. Like building a fire underwater, their logic is flawed and childish

“Hey did you know that I’ve gotten straight A’s throughout high school, so know I’m definitely going to get a scholarship”

Shut up you weirdo book worm. You have cartoon logic. No college wants a nerd who plays no sports.

ezme logic

The ideas in which things only make sense to that ones person because they r absolute bullshit

Ezme: I can run through the current of a waterfall
:everyone else: ezme logic.

Cat logic

A phenemenon where cats do something that seems weird to us but somehow makes sense to them

John: Why is your cat sitting on my pizza??
Jack: I don't know man, its a cat logic thing.

Customer Logic

Throwing all reasoning out the window and being the stupidest fucking moron you can humanly be.

It operates under three basic principles:

1. Complete lack of accountability (even actively refusing to take any)
2. Complete lack of empathy (i.e. sociopathic behavior)
3. Unwarranted self importance (i.e. severe narcissism)

Formal logic:
Premise 1: person parks on No Parking area.
Premise 2: person gets a parking ticket.
Conclusion: if you park on No Parkin areas, you get a parking ticket.

Customer logic:
Premise 1: person parks on No Parking area.
Premise 2: person gets a parking ticket.
Conclusion: OMG IT WAS JUST A FUCKING MINUTE I WILL GO TO THE NEAREST STARBUCKS TO DEMAND TO SPEAK TO THEIR MANAGER AND ASK FOR FREE LATTES FOR LIFE BECAUSE THEY SHOULD'VE TOTALLY WARNED ME ABOUT IT AND WILL SUE EVERYONE BECAUSE MY PARKING TICKET IS EVERYBODY ELSE'S FAULT.