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A gentleman's game played indoors in front of an open fire. The aim of the game is to bring your opponent to his knees by bombarding his scrotum with a series of wrecking ball blows using only your own scrotum and the power of your pelvic thrust.
Equipment required:
A good sized-pair of man conkers (shaven in professional matches or unshaven for amateur duelling).
The koteka (approved by the Chief Umpire in all competitions or at the discretion of opponents in non-competitive matches).
Rules of the game
The game will commence with a toss, the winner of the toss may elect to strike or receive.
Each player then takes three alternate strikes at the opponent's conkers.
Each attempted strike must be clearly aimed at the nut, no deliberate mis-hits.
The game will be decided once one of the conkers is smashed.
A small piece of nut or skin remaining shall be judged out, it must be enough to mount an attack.
If both nuts smash at the same time then the match shall be replayed.
A player causing a knotting of the man conkers (a snag) will be noted, three snags will lead to disqualification.
"I do enjoy a ruddy good game of man conkers," said Gerald as he reigned several blows upon Rupert's already tender scrotum.
When lots of cleg nuts join together to form one giant cleg nut, or a butt conker.
Lily: Oh man, my cleg nut has grown so large it's practically a butt conker!
Someone who balls hang at the same height, can result in pain if they have fat inner thighs..
"fuck me just crossed my legs and crack my conkers, argh.."
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Testicles - Human or otherwise.
I’ve got really, really itchy bum conkers!
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A way of hardening conkers so that they can reach maximum tensile strength. This is done by inserting the conker into a womans vagina allowing the said conker to pickle for a month, before hunting for the toughed conker and removing it ready for a good old conker match!
Steve: 'Dude, we should totally have a conker match tomorrow'
John: 'Yeh sure, i shall go conker hunting this evening as i have left the hugest conker in julie's pussy to pickle for the last 4 weeks'
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The upcoming title by Rareware. The creators from Banjo-Kazooie, Donkey Kong 64 and Conker's Bad Fur Day.
Conker: Live and Reloaded the remake of Conker's Bad Fur Day from the Nintendo 64. With re-vamped graphics, sounds, music, AI, and of course Xbox Live Gameplay. Exclusively to the Microsoft Xbox
Jim: "Want to go play Solitaire?"
Bob: "Hell no! I'd rather go play Conker: Live and Reloaded on Xbox Live!"
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This is more colourful name for sore/damaged testicles!
James - Why you holding your nuts?
John - Ive got Southern Fried Conkers!
James - Oooh what happened?
John - Sarah found out about me cheating and kicked me in them.