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The affliction of spending too much time boogie boarding, or sea activities until it inflicts you with a case of kelp in or on your genitalia. Whilst looking and smelling horrible, it somehow fascinates the females of the species.
Tobes: Migs, come on man - stop surfing we've got to go hit the bar for TSBs!!
Migs: Nah man, chicks will dig my Kelp Dick ! Give us ten minutes
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When a woman does not wash her genitals for an extended period of time, which causes her pubes to become matted, resembling long strands of kelp. It will likely cause the smell to resemble a trash-riddled kelp forest.
I went home with Trashy Tracy™ last night when when I got hammered. She had the nastiest California Kelp Forest, even worse than Nasty Natalie™
Means stop sucking dick. In spongebob, theres an episode where the krusty krab sells Kelp drinks and it shows spongebob slurping on the straw, so it means stop slurping on dick.
Matthew: "Oh my god Nathan, you have the best handles and the best shot in basketball and youre really good."
Nathan: "Thanks?"
Nick: "Put down the kelp matthew, jheeez"
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An admittedly unusual, special Bob's Burgers burger that features kelp
"Hey Bob, what's the burger of the day?" "It's the Not If I Can Kelp It Burger, you should try it!"
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To make someone’s ass so wet it remind you of underwater cabbage
“I wanna kelp your ass so bad tonight” said Tom
this is something you should not do
Person 1: Hey bro, you should eat kelp
Person 2: Yes I will eat kelp it is nutritious and very good for me yes. All hail the kelp gods