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A person who greets you when you enter Walmart, who later on checks you upon leaving to make sure you haven't got 4 bottles of Robitussin as opposed to 3.
"Excuse me sir, I'm going to have to see your receipt."
59👍 6👎
To suddenly get into a pursuit while shopping cart racing in a store, that involves heavy use of security guards chasing you in order to stop you from shopping cart racing.
1: That was a great race huh?
2: You bet! Oh shit, security guards! Hurry move MOVE MOVE!!
3: Hopefully they didn’t set up the Roadblocks by now. We can probably escape this security pursuit!
34👍 3👎
A federal agency established after 9/11/2001 to carry on the work of the terrorists. They help us fear nature by taking over FEMA and diverting funds that would have been spent on hurricane relief to equip meter maids with assault rifles. Constant reminders to "report suspicious behavior" to the police have made us fear each other and criminalized social anxiety disorder. Thanks to their fine efforts, being too shy to ask a girl for sex is now as likely to get you investigated as asking a girl for sex.
If you want to know why you feel insecure blame Homeland Security.
19👍 3👎
To make sure you are getting money and storing it up
Friend: Why do you work so much?
Me: I’m making sure the bag is secure. (Securing the bag)
25👍 2👎
Security Steve was head security on the show Jeremy Kyle. He now works at primark earning £5 an hour.
Hey Security Steve, how is Primark and Poundland?
When you have no idea where you're gonna get the money.
Elon Musk, 8/7/2018: "Am considering taking Tesla private at $420. Funding secured." SEC opens investigation next day.
Me to my new girl: "Taking you to Hawaii this winter. Funding secured." Let's hope for a windfall...
2041👍 475👎
A pyramid scheme run by the US Government. They promised to take your money to invest it for you so you'd have enough money to retire on, but from the very beginning they've just paid the people who are over 65 with the money sent in by the workers under 65. For any other organization to do this would be illegal. They don't make any real investments at all. They only 'invest' in other government agencies, which means they'll end up being paid back with yet more tax money taken by force from hard working Americans.
Joe Average says "I wanted to invest my money in a private account that I could control in order to plan for my retirement, but after paying tax for Social Security I didn't have enough left over to do that. If Social Security is so great, why do they have to force you to pay for it under threat of prison? If it was really so great, wouldn't people participate voluntarily?"
308👍 66👎