Zealous Rasputin

The sexual act in which a bro manages to insert his flaccid dong into a woman's ass while simultaneously incubating his entire scrotum in her vagina. The goal is not to achieve sexual satisfaction, it is an act done in the shameless pursuit of giving warmth to one's genitals. The female need not know the motivation, but generally is not pleased with the outcome. The endgame, my friends, is to fall asleep in this state.

Yo Byron, did you hear that Gilgamesh pulled a Zealous Rasputin on Taybeesha last night? Oh yeah dude for sure, I heard that it was quite the event. She was reasonably livid about the whole thing but she grew to accept it. Who doesn't want a little bit of warmth in their life nigga?

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rasputin's surprise

When a guy poison, stabs, shoots a girl, ties her up in a burlap sack, throws her in a river and if she survives, he jizzes in her ear. That's the surprise.

-What happened to Mary?
-Ah, her boyfriend gave her a Rasputin's Surprise.

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The Beard Of Rasputin

The most mystical beard of them of. Dr. Kryptonite discovered it in the the late 17th century. He hoarded it for many years. Papa J discovered it and has used to enslave and persecute his minions. It is said that those who possess this beard, will rule. There can only be lord or the rasputin. You will the very best like no one ever was!

Fredo: "Oh man this beard looks so stupid."

Dingo: "What are you saying? This is the most powerful beard of all! It's The Beard Of Rasputin!"

Fread: "What??"

Dingo: "I shall enslave you!!!"

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Rasputin log

A bowel movement that keeps coming back despite multiple attempts of being flushed/disposed of.

I locked myself in that chick’s bathroom for a half hour because I couldn’t get my Rasputin log down the shitter.

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Rasputin Banana

The Rasputin Banana is when you use shattered glass from fine glass to slice 3 to 5 of the veins on your penis and shout "Для России!" (Translation: "For Russia!" ) and proceed to rail your boyfriend or girlfriend in the ass until they shit themselves using nothing but dick blood for lube.

I picked up this chick at the bar and she told me she wanted to do something extra kinky tonight so I gave her the Rasputin Banana.

Creepy Rasputin

If someone, ie, a guy, is behaving in a creepy (us. sexually creepy) manner, he may be deemed a creeper/creepy Rasputin. The name is not complete without the hand motion, a three-fingered clawing type motion with the right hand. The creepy Rasputin is the fourth level of creepiness/awkwardness.

*drunk dude dances up too closely on a girl at a frat party*
*girl makes the Creepy Rasputin gesture, three-fingered clawing type motion*
*girl's posse swoops in to save her*

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rasputin mustache

the act of shaving a wild squirrel, rubbing it down with vasoline and inserting into the anus then taking the squirrel clippings and pasting them on your upper lip.

i was so drunk at the zoo last week i gave myself a rasputin mustache

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