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The person in your friend group that you always have to wait for when you're all playing games together because they are stuck on a level.
Bob: C'mon guys lets hurry this up!
Bill: *gets caught up*
Nathan: GUYS IM STUCK
Johnathan: *gets caught up* Hurry up! You're 100% The Gaming Tortoise of our friend group!
A fictitious yoga pose which requires incredible flexibility where a person shoves their head up their own ass. Used mainly toward arrogant yoga aficionados.
Girl: Yoga is so good for your heart and soul; it's way better than lifting weights.
Guy: Oh yeah? Well, why don't you go perform the backwards tortoise then, bitch.
Where defacating takes place into the inner workings of a high-powered vacuum. The vacuum is then set in the reverse operation to ejaculate your steaming excraments at very high velocity into the face of your loved one.
Dude, Wilbur totally screwed up my vacuum when he gave your girlfriend one wicked Tortoise Launcher.
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When you need to go to the toilet so badly that the poo is starting to make an appearance from your bum hole.
Usually accompanied by walking around on tippy-toes and gritting your teeth.
Oh man! Where's the nearest restrooms? I've got a curious tortoise!!
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A two-person awkward turtle.
Based off of the hilarious biology video of tortoises engaging in... mature behavior and grunting while an excited guy with an accent watches.
Friend: Awkward turtle!!
*does awkward turtle*
You: Awkward tortoise!!!!!!!!
*does awkward turtle on top of friend's awkward turtle, moving up and down and grunting*
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To stop a conversation, because a) someone has said something incredibly awkward and/or disturbing or b) the conversation is inevitably leading that way.
When Mikey told me to "guard my carnal treasure" it really froze the tortoise.
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A Rigamortis Tortoise is a vile and disgusting creature. Often cold and calloused, Rigamortis Tortoise can disgust even the most hardcore of people. Rigamortis Tortoise often has an undeserved sense of entitlement caused by birth.
We caught Rigamortis Tortoise walking out of the morgue with a bottle of astroglide and a pink dildo. That disgusting vermin.
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