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Most commonly found on internet forums for first-person-shooter games set in modern times like Counter-Strike and Battlefield 2, the Armchair Infantry spends his day browsing gun sites (chiefly http://world.guns.ru) memorizing every factual statistic about every weapon known to man. In any instant, the Armchair Infantry can deliver to you every possible statistic about any of an obscure line of military-grade weapons that never even saw live combat.
Armchair Infantry are easy to identify. If they have an avatar, more often then not it is the logo of the United States Marine Corp. If they have a signature, it's almost always a Barrett sniper rifle, or a guy hiding in a bush with a rifle (that may or may not be a Barrett). Your typical Armchair Infantry will hide behind a veil of lies to 'reinforce' their point; the most common and effective being that they own several of the military weapons and are pure marksmen with them. Slightly rarer, but more effective, is the Armchair Veteran, who protects his ass with unearned respect by insisting that they've fought in ANY number of real-world conflicts: Iraq, Afghanistan, Kuwait, Bosnia, Grenada... If the debate is about the Vietnam war, you damn well know that these guys will crawl out of the woodwork, insisting that they served 4 tours in Vietnam. If it's about Kuwait, suddenly they tell you about Operation Desert Storm as if they were there firsthand.
When provoked, the Armchair Infantry will pull out a dazzling number of 'facts' that they've almost completely copy-pasted off another website. In a conversation about a military asset of some sort, they will be determined to convince you beyond a shadow of a doubt that they've fired/flown/driven whatever it is they're talking about. The goal being, of course, to convince you, someone who isn't hiding behind the Armchair Infantry persona, that they have much more experience then you (which they don't), and therefore are right, and you're an idiot.
In their FPS games of choice, these 'veterans' generally play as a sniper whenever they can, clinging to an emo-esque image of a lonewolf cold-blooded killer out for revenge, or some cliche bullshit like that.
The irony of the Armchair Infantry is that most have never even been around a real gun outside of Boyscout Camp. Even more aren't even old enough to enlist.
If you ever meet an Armchair Infantry, patronize and mock them. There's a slim chance that yes, they DID fly an A-10 in the Gulf War (because you know how many 40-year-old Veterans play FPS games to recreate a war they saw people die in), but there's a far greater chance that they're utterly full of shit.
Rather then the use of the term 'Armchair Infantry', here's an example of some in action:
"The accuracy and range of the rifle is way off. I have three and go to the range four times a week and I can put 20 bullets within a half inch of each other at 500 meters."
"I flew a Cobra in Kuwait and I can tell you that they do NOT fly like that."
"I risked my life for the United States and it's disrespectful that you guys got the turbine sound of the F/A 18 TOTALLY wrong."
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Someone who has no professional training in science yet has the same augmented ego and clout (and on occasion, the same amount of knowledge on the subject).
Your subconscious is actually the excrement of an opalescent Monodon monoceros. I know. I'm an armchair scientist.
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Any dipshit that talks shit about a company with little or no knowledge of what they are saying. Armchair CEO's are normally stood up and/or owned Once someone gets tired of their endless shit.
Mark (Armchair CEO) - Mcdonalds is screwed, they are the worst thing in this universe besides hell itself. Trust me on this, i know
Sarah - And you base this crap on what? STFU n00b!
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a person who speaks authoritatively but not convincingly on topics that they have no practical experience with, (especially applied to advocates of war)
This armchair general gets on the soap box every day now.
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There are three types of people in the world: people who care, people who couldn't care less, and armchair idealists. Armchair idealists are by far the most annoying. These people love to comment and criticise others' appalling behaviour yet refrain from actually moving from their seats and doing something about it. This can commonly apply to issues such as the environment, world peace, starving children, etc.
Armchair idealist, carrying plastic bags in each hand: "You should always use reusable shopping bags!"
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A person who studies and discuses the arts of magic(k), treating themself as an authority on both the practical applications as well as the histories behind the techniques, with very little (usually none) actual experience in its use. This is a person who has probably read a great deal of literature written by members (or ex-members) of the Golden Dawn and/or a great deal of metaphysical theory (Chaos Magick being a common choice). Generally, these people come in one of two varieties, a: the overly accepting type, typified by the statement, "Well, it should work... in theory" and b: the overly pessemistic type, typified by the statement, "You can't do THAT!". Generally, the second type is deemed more annoying, being that they tend to have a highly negative reaction to any concept, theory, or technique that they have not already read about in a book that has been published for more than ten years. There are some, however, who find things the opposite, finding the rediculous ideas expounded by type a bordering on offensive. (a term generally used amongst Pagans, occultists, and other magic(k)-practicing people)
a: "Well, the theory is sound."
"Yes, but if every 'sound theory' actually worked, I'd have a twelve-inch cock and would fly to work every day"
b: "Well, Roger says that it won't work"
"Well, Roger is an armchair magician, and, if we listened to him, we'd all be doing lesser banishing rituals of the pentagram every time we wipe our asses."
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A person who utilizes Youtube and Wikipedia in order to garner as much palatable information on subjects within the realm of physics as possible. Possibly for personal interest but more commonly used for 4 AM post-party diatribes about how we're all connected and the ancient shamans were right.
Most often using 'Quantum' physics for their purposes, as it is the most subjective branch and easy to bullshit the uneducated about.
Stephen: So you're interested in physics?
Dave: Yeah, a bit. I'm an Armchair Physicist.
I found Dave up again when I left for work this morning. He'd been watching something on Youtube and kept going on about how dark matter means we're all just in a computer simulation. That guy needs to get a job.
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