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Jewish Christians are basically Jewish people, who eat kosher, and celebrate the feasts of Leviticus 23, as well as Purim (book of Esther), and Hanukkah (books of Maccabees), but also believe that Jesus was indeed the JEWISH Messiah.
Most regular Jews and Christians are unaware that Jesus declared Himself to be the Messiah in JOHN Chapter 10 (22-39) at the Temple on Hanukkah. The books of MACCABEES (found in the CATHOLIC Bible) and JOHN Chapter 10 are read by Jewish Christians during Jewish-Christian Hanukkah.
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When a poor Jewish family celebrates Hanukkah yet does not have any money to provide gifts for each other. In this instance a selfgift is proclaimed, allowing another member of their immediate family to have consensual heterosexual sexual intercourse with them, thus satisfying the gift requirement. Sometimes father and daughter or brother and sister selfgifts will be given in this instance as long as both gifters are at least adolescent age. In the case that there are pre-adolescents in the family, the father and mother have sexual intercourse in front of their children, thus gifting to them to a show of lovemaking.
My mom and dad lost their jobs due to downsizing and the economy is terrible. This Hanukkah we did not have any money to buy gifts for each other. My sister offered a Hanukkah Poverty Selfgift. It wasn't right but she offered so I screwed her brains out. My parents were understanding of the situation since she didn't have a gift. I will never tell the guys in school about it though.
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A Jew who only attends Temple during Hanukkah and Passover. They see this as the only 'mandatory' days to attend. Similar to the Christmas and Easter Christians.
you know Jim, he's a Hanukkah and Passover Jew. Today he's at Temple praying to God and tomorrow he will be eating a huge salami.
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A tradition mainly celebrated by modern Jews where, on th 24th December, they stand on their rooves with hunting rifles and try and shoot down Santa.
"Christmas Eve is tomorrow, you prepared for Ho Ho Hanukkah?"
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So, the Greeks took over Israel and they were like, "YO, COME JOIN OUR RELIGION!" and Judah and his group be like, "You can't make us," and they continued on their Jewish way. The problem is, the Greeks would NOT STOP FREAKIN PESTERING THEM, and Judah was like, "I can't anymore, whaddaya say we fight them!?" And the boys were like, "You know what's up!" The group (called the Maccabees🐝) fought the Greeks as hard as they could. The problem was, the Jews back home barely had enough oil to light the menorah (there were no lightbulbs back then), and they only had enough for one day, and so the Jews were like, "Screw it, we need that light!" and lit the menorah, but when they woke up the menorah was still lit, and they were like, "Huh, that's weird." And the next day the menorah was still lit, and the Jews were like, "Okay, what is happening?" This also happened on the third day, and then the Jews were like, "WTF!?" This continued until the eighth night, which was also when the Maccabees🐝 took back their freedom and their temple (which was also raped by the Greeks), and they were finally able to eat their latkes in peace.
Quote:
Person 1: "And that's the Hanukkah story."
Person 2: "Booorrrriiinnggg!"
*Person 1 whacks Person 2 with frying pan*
Person 1: "GET LATKE'D"
A turkey girl that lasted past Christmas, as unexpected and was still cuffed after Christmas Day. A Hanukkah Hoe is much better off without the a-hole she is dating at this point as his true colors have really shown but she is just too dumb to leave.
Hey, is Greg still with turkey girl?
Yeah, she's a real idiot and turned herself into his Hanukkah Hoe even though he won't make it Facebook official.