Someone went to Iowa and all I got was this lousy mug

I could have gotten something better but I got this instead

Me Someone went to Iowa and all I got was this lousy mug

lousy-dowsey

Refers to someone's less-than-satisfactory performance to find an aquifer with a forked stick.

Not only did da local slick-salesman shyster perform a lousy-dowsey job of finding well-spots on my property, but then he also was 100% lousy-DOUSEY about putting out his campfire afterwards --- he cluelessly used GASOLINE instead of water to pour on said smoldering coals, causing an even bigger conflagration than anything that he'd had originally!

lousy-mouth

To say nasty things about someone

I heard you lousy-mouthing me to your brother in law