Random
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Random
When multiple soldiers get diarrhoea at the same time
"did you have the gammon from the mess" "no I knew some people that had it in they turned into a mortar team"
N. Feces.
I was outside with the dog and stepped in a big pile of mexican mortar
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A marriage of the pittsburgh steamshovel and a skullfuck. Taking a shit in the empty eyesocket of a one-eyed hooker, then squishing your cock into it. Extra points awarded for the famed "Eye to Mouth" move afterwards.
Stump: I got rolled by a one-eyed hooker last night
Nick: How?
Stump: I just finished giving her the Missoula Mortar and Pestle, then she slapped me with a crowbar and took my wallet
Filling a sock with fresh crap that you just took and launching it into the air at an unsuspecting group of people. Must be launched in the air at a decent height. Works best after a night of heavy drinking and eating spicy food.
The people next door were being too loud at night, so Monty decided to launch a Mexican Mortar Strike on them.
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A real, tangible friend, that you hang with and go out for beers with, as opposed to a virtual online friend like that person you never talked to in high school that you now comment back and forth on social networks like Facebook.
I'm sick of sitting on Facebook for 4 hours a night and commenting on peoples' semi-witty status updates. I need to get some more bricks-and-mortar friends and get out of the house.
When you tighten your girlfriends anus to a centimeter in diameter and make her take a bunch of laxatives. She then waits in the doggy position until the urge to shit arrives. Upon shitting, the poo will spray out and drop on the room like mortar fire, permanently damaging your carpet and her dignity.
Dude, I totally just made my girlfriend do the Iraqi mortar fire last night. We had to call in hazmat 10 minutes later.
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