Omaha Mustache

The act of shoving an ear of husked corn into a female's anus then pulling it out and slowly smearing the remnants of her mud-tunnel across her upper lip.

I can't but help giving her an Omaha Mustache after her brown eye winked at me.

Mustache Theory

The theory that the shorter the first name the greater the likelihood that person has a mustache. Only holds true for White Males that live in the United States.

Theory in mathematical terms:
Name<= 4 letters = Mustache
Name>= 5 letters = No Mustache

Stranger to gentleman with finely combed mustache: "Hello fine sir, may I trouble you for your name?"

Mustached Gentlemen: "Why yes, it is Al"

Stranger: "Mustache Theory!"

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Cock Mustache

Freshly Shaven Mustache above penis shaft

Hey your cock mustache looks exactly like Keith Hernandez cock mustache

forehead mustache

unibrow

Sam: Dude, take these tweezers and fix that forehead mustache.
Max: Thanks bro.

Meat Mustache

The act of humiliating someone so hard that there is an illusion of a penis on the victim's upper lip. Then the assailant connects all of one's fingers to their thumb and shakes it in an italian mob style with both hands. In a quite fast gesture, the assailant forms the Italian mob style hands to their upper lip and parts the invisible "meat mustache." After the process is done, the assailant must yell, MEAT MUSTACHE.

Jimmie: How's your hotdog Dean?
Dean: Pretty good. Maybe the best I have ever had.
Jimmie: *Knocks the hotdog to the ground. Performs the act.* MEAT MUSTACHE!!!!!!!
Dean: *Cries softly*

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Mustache March

The most hallowed of traditions of the employees of Great Lakes Airlines. Every March, all employees must grow a mustache for the duration of the month. The last day of February is the last day that the upper lip can be shaved. Then, during the last week of the month, the annual Mustache Bash is held and awards for various follicle cultivation achievements are distributed. Roots of this tradition are hazy, but most attribute it to a pollock captain and El Capitan

I can't wait for Mustache March, I've been massaging my lip for months to stimulate the follicles. I'm going to make Tom Selleck look like a fucking boy scout.

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Papa's Mustache

Beyond the realm of critique - the highest standard of perfection or excellence.

Oh man, ante up suckers! This poker hand is Papa's Mustache!

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