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I haven't read the Bible, but here's what I've deduced about Jesus from watching Fox News:
1.) Jesus is a die-hard Republican. He spends a lot of his time reading books by Ann Coulter and appearing at fundraisers for groups like Focus on the Family.
2.) Jesus was among the earliest proponents for the invasion of Iraq, and even today He sees the deaths of tens of thousands of innocent civilians as a necessary price to pay for installing a western-style democracy in Iraq.
3.) Jesus is an outspoken proponent of supply-side economics, which favor tax cuts to the wealthy. He's also a huge fan of Ronald Reagan.
4.) Jesus thinks that poor people are poor because they are lazy.
5.) Jesus is appalled by same-sex marriage. He thinks that straight people who hate each other have more of a right to be married than two gay people who love each other. Jesus strongly feels that a person's sexuality is a matter of choice.
6.) Jesus does not believe that global warming is caused by humans. He also thinks that intelligent design should be taught in science classes.
7.) Jesus supports capital punishment, and that's why He desperately wanted George W. Bush to be president, and He couldn't be more pleased with how the Bush Administration turned out.
8.) Jesus never misses the O'Reilly factor. And He absolutely hates the Colbert Report.
9). Jesus is radically opposed to a provision of health care to all citizens. He thinks it would lead to a welfare state.
10. And finally, Jesus is really upset that Barack Obama won the 2008 election. He has decided that a second coming will be necessary, and He will rapture people into the heavens on the basis of their party affiliations and campaign contributions.
Fox News is fair and balanced, even when it comes to Jesus!
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The man who works at the local car wash.
"Jesus, last time I got my car back I found a white stain in the back seat."
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The most famous cult leader in the history of the world. Led billions of people (alive or dead) to believe in the largest scam of all time. He was nailed to a piece of wood merely because crucifiction was extremely popular back then and because he was persecuted for seemingly impossible ideals. The bible is no more real than Lord of the Rings or Star Trek.
Jesus: I am the son of God.
Weak-minded peon: Yay! people must hear the word of God and accept a false prophecy that the world was created by something we have no proof of except for a story book!
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The Son of God, The Lion of Judah, The Prince of Peace, True Vine, The Way, The Truth, The Light, The Door, The Savior of Mankind.
I love Jesus Christ the Son of God!!!
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Amazing guy, who I love with everything I have. He's Sexy in everyway possible! &&Yes, he means everything to me. I love him more than I love Fried Chicken! :D &Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without him. Jesus, you're my everything, my entire universe, &&I don't ever wanna lose you. I love you<3 &&I always will
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A manifestation in literature of the lessons taught by a people in which admiration was given to a pleasant and ethical social presence. Similar to Aesop's Fables, which was a collection of moral stories in Greek times.
"If you have money, don't lend it at interest. Give it to someone who won't be able to return it." - Jesus
"Treat others the way you would like them to treat you." - Jesus
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1) N. A mythical creature invented to control the weak. See, boogie man.
2) E. Something you scream when you hit your thumb with a hammer.
3) A hispanic man.
Jesus H. Christ! Jesus stole Jesus' donation box!
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