Table snake

A game played at dinner parties and other events. A male puts his penis on the table and waits for someone to notice by yelling "table snake!"
Whoever can go unnoticed the longest wins.

We played table snake at the Christmas party last night. Johnny won when it took 10mins for anyone to notice that his snake wasn't just a misplaced cabana.

Bobby Tables

DROP TABLE (
SELECT table_name
FROM information_schema.`TABLES`
WHERE table_schema = 'myDatabase' AND table_name LIKE BINARY 'del%');

XKCD Comic # 327
Sanitize your DB Inputs Bobby Tables Comic

wood table

An ingrian or simple person, normally very pissy.

Kate Weaver and Michael Iovenko are wood tables after they tried to sell dope to the cops.

Table Simping

The act of being submissive to a person simply because they bought a table at a nightclub. Typically occurs when a dude with daddy's money isn't funny or capable of speaking to women, so he spends $5-10k on a table and invites a hot girl with 30+ bodies to stand next to him at his table. The girl wears a slutty cocktail dress and the guy wears ripped light wash jeans, Yeezy's, a gold chain on the outside of his shirt, and a black t-shirt so tight it might as well be painted on. The entire concept is adjacent to prostitution. It's an easy way for beta men to fuck a whore without 'technically' paying for it.

"Hey friends, I was thinking of having a group dinner at my place this Thursday. Maybe cook up some chicken parm and sip some wine while we watch the sunset! Are you interested?"

"No, sorry, I'm going to see insert no-name DJ tonight. Steve from the Seaport is buying $1,500 bottles of shitty Tito's at a nightclub the size of my bedroom, so I'm gonna go table simping."

Table Tug

The act where a person receives a hand job under a dinner table.

John got a table tug from Sally while at his grandparents anniversary dinner.

Under the Table

The opposite of being In the Closet.

An individual who has identified themselves as homosexual in an effort to fit in, but is actually heterosexual.

A member of the non-heterosexual community who has secretly been engaging in heterosexual activities, while denying bisexual or heterosexual preferences.

Steve to Eric - "I totally saw Paul making out with that girl from the bar, but he keeps denying it. Ugh, he's so Under the Table".

Table Spam

All that space-taking crap you find on tables at restaurants--extra drink menus, desert menus, weekly specials menus, Direct TV ads. . .

"Move this damn table spam, I need room for my platter of bottomless chicken wings."