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A brown, and white plastic monkey,(jizzmonkey) that has starred, and co-starred in such pornographic films as: Lube Up Boys: Terry's Adventure, and U.S.S. Barry: Uncovered. He is commonly known for his wild party habits, and sensual white sailor's hat. He also commonly co-stars with his friends Clifford, and Phelon.
"Holy shit, I didn't know you could fit a beer tap up a fucking inflatable sex monkey's ass!!!" - Said Chipper
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So apparently the story is, the Kumara that go in to Purple Monkey Finger are grown on land that was the cemetery of the local prison for the criminally insane.
The gardens were looked after by crazy old nuns, all of them were blind except for the mother superior who was mute.
She was mute until one of the prisoners made moonshine out of the Kumara, in her room alone one night, she had a drink, and she started screaming and didn't stop until she died.
They say that even now, if you open a bottle of Purple Monkey Finger alone, in the dark, in a very quiet room, you can hear the old mute nun scream.
Patient: But Doctor, I'm a virgin, how could I be pregnant?
Doctor: I have reason to believe you have recently had some Purple Monkey Finger in you.
Patient: SHITBALLS!
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When a guy is butt fucking his girl while she is laying on her back. At this time he inserts his hand into the woman's vagina and wraps the thin membrane between the anal and vaginal canals around his cock. This enables him to jack himself off while fisting his mate at the same time.
Oscar loves giving Christina the Velvet Monkey Fist since he loves anal and she loves fisting.
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Extremely cold weather, used by people of Sunderland and possibly Newcastle (I am not saying the 2 are the same, don't worry) as they are the only type of people who I have heard say it. "Brass monkey weather" is called thus because the temperature is so cold that "it would freeze the bollocks of a brass money".
#1: Boooar, its brass monkey weather!
#2: Ha? What?
#1: It would freeze the bollocks of a brass monkey
#2: Genius.
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to give oneself manual gratification.
i.e to masturbate
bob got turned down so much last night he went home and we yelled Bob go spank yer monkey
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A term used to describe when a situation is so tremendously F***ed up that it is beyond repair.
I've seen Monkey S*** Fights organized better than this!
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A Different Nore Original Way Of Saying " Son Of A Bitch!" Son of a bitch
Jess: *Loses a £20 Bet To Soph* Son Of A Monkey Fuck!!
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