Random
Source Code
Random
A man from the year 2098 who was much different than the rest of the people at that time, for he was only 3' tall. Everyone else in the world was at the shortest about 5' 2". This troubled Hector cause he was always picked on and people would throw him around much like a football. It being the year 2098, time travel had already been invented about 23 years ago. Hector thought about using time travel to change history so that there would be more short people like him. After acquiring the means to travel through time (which cost him $18.75 on Ebay), Hector travelled back in time many times, but was always thwarted in his attempt to make more short people. After many attempts Hector finally travelled back to the Primordial Soup. The goo that started all life sat before him. Sitting and pondering what to do to change history, Hector came up with the grandest of schemes. "Ah ha!", said Hector. "I will contaminate this ooze with my own ooze.", Hector shouted with glee. After an intense one and a half minutes of self gratification (Everything is shorter for midgets), he dumped his load into the soup causing a mass fusion of his "little" genes into the normal genes. After many eons of Evolution, thanks to Hector's deeds, we have been blessed with many small creatures. This is how the Pterodactyl became the chicken. Its how the shark became the goldfish. Its also how we got actors like Verne Troyer. No one knows what happened to Hector. My thoughts are that since he fucked with the timeline he never came to be. Poor, poor Hector. All this to make a friend and he never even existed. The moral of the story, I guess, is to not throw hair dryers into the bathtub.
Dude 1: "Man I hate that show Little People Big World. Who the hell came up with that shit?"
Dude 2: "Its all made possible because of Hector The Time Travelling Midget."
Dude 1: "Damn you Hector, damn you."
14👍 4👎
When a man develops an erection pointing downward, which is then required to be rotated to where it points up. It takes its name from Daylight Savings Time, when you have to change your clock back.
Anna: "Jeremiah! That's gross. Don't do that."
Jeremiah: "It's Daylight Saving Time"
Anna: "Okay, no big deal"
5👍 27👎
when a girl is on her period. and acting like a cunt.
Well Bill sounds like your wife is pissed and the rag time marching band is in town for a week.
10👍 2👎
Whenever Manchester United are playing on their home ground of Old Trafford and the game is tied or United is losing, the referees will always allow enough extra time for Manchester United to tie or win the game.
In the September 20, 2009 Manchester Derby between Manchester United and Manchester City, there was supposed to be 4 minutes of extra time, already an inflated amount as there had been almost no injury stoppages. The match was tied at 3-3. The referees allowed over 6 minutes of extra time, a prime example of Old Trafford Time-keeping, giving United opportunity to score the winner.
20👍 7👎
When the world is forced to move their clocks forward an hour, for a generally unknown reason. Mostly, to piss off people who value sleep and not being at work or school.
"ugh...I gotta turn my alarm clock forward..god damn daylight saving time..."
"I know! it's more like Daylight's raping time, for real, for real."
"word."
2👍 7👎
My boyfriend and I are active at the same time.
2👍 8👎
One of the greatest comebacks of all time if used right. Answer most questions with this and you will bamboozle the asker.
Jarek: Hey how cold is it outside?
Ryan: Time for you to get a watch
Jarek: *dies
13👍 4👎