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John a man with a super small penis and can't please his wife in bed so he had to buy a sex doll
Damn he got a small dick John
John is a basic ass name
And if you have you boring
John: Hi
Normal person: bro get the Fuck out my face your name is John 💀
A middle aged fat guy who spends his days unemployed, getting drunk, and making everyone around him feel awkward. Most likely divorced and his kids act like he doesn’t exist. He is probably single and trying to hit on women at the bar that he will never have a chance with, or remarried to the first loser who settled for him while still doing that. He is always asking friends or family for loans to buy stuff he can’t afford. He is commonly seen wearing a white t shirt at the lake, an oversized watch to keep up the false appearance of a lifestyle he doesn’t have, or driving an oversized truck/SUV he can’t afford. He acts like a corporate big shot and tries to strut around like he owns everything, but can barely make it 20 feet without gasping for dear life. Avoid John and guys like him unless you like losers who mistake their extra body mass for muscle.
“My husband is a dick to the kids, a dick to me, a dick to everyone, but without him I can’t have the house we can’t afford and will have to move back in with my mom.”
“Girl same! Looks like we both have a John. Oh well. Not many options when you’re a 50 year old single mom, but how else can we afford rent nowadays?”
“I went to order a drink from the bar and that fat guy got in my face, trying to flirt with me. His wife was talking to some friends a couple tables away.”
“I see that guy in here every couple nights. Surprised the stool isn’t broken yet.”
A womanizer who calls himself an empath but does nothing to prove he knows how to put himself in someone else’s shoes. He loves doing anything he can to get attention from women regardless if he is dating one and will let them flirt with him and even flirt back just to feel something. He won’t do anything special for you and will constantly try to manipulate you and start problems and then act like the victim. He will string you along but do just enough to keep you interested in case his other options don’t work out. He also loves fetishizing goth girls (but he doesn’t want to date anyone who is anything different from the norm). He hangs around friends who will talk down on you and he will listen instead of defending you. He has lots of girl best friends who will also bash you if you’re dating him. If you guys ever have a fight, his first choice won’t be to fix things, but to ask out other girls. If you don't have the same religion as him and he loses interest he will start using that as an excuse as to why he can’t date you. He'll go on and on about how he doesn’t have any money to spend on a girlfriend but he will turn around and buy one of his girl best friends ice cream and take her out and spend money on himself. He will cheat on you multiple times and get sulky and not talk to you if you try to bring it up. He is still friends with ALL of his exes. And he loves to defend men on the internet who have done bad things. If you ever meet a John, run far far far away.
Girl: Who is that playing the guitar with all those girls around him?
Other girl: Ew, that’s John. Let’s go somewhere else
John can be annoying sometimes but he is the sweetest, most honest, loyalist, caring, funniest, heartwarming, most unique, calmest, intelligent, adventurous, most talent, realist, and all in all the best person you could ever meet. Frankly even on his bad days you wouldn’t be able to tell because he’s always making people laugh and somewhat trying to spread positive vibes, his smile and his presence is enough to make the whole room light up he’s quite at first but once he gets used to everything he is a complete vibe.
“John is such an amazing person he’s always striving for the best and he inspires me, one day I want to be like him.”
Johns a blonde, green eyed hottie
he gets all the girls especially one he’ll tell u her name if u ask him. <3
John’s usually have horse cocks, and very flirtatious. They give off so much positive energy.
Omg did you see Johns dick print in his sweats.