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John Pork was born into poverty, never knowing his mother. His father, a pig, died when John was only three, leaving him an orphan. As the offspring of a human and a pig, John was best described as a man-pig—akin to South Park's "man-bear-pig." After his father's death, John was sent to the Adoptuah "Adopt on that thang" Adoption Center, where he was adopted by G-Man, a key figure in the Skibidi Toilet Rebellion. G-Man was a celebrated pilot in the Toilet Force Air and flew the notorious "We Bring the Boom."
John's adopted mother, Hailey Welch, was an international star and the host of the popular podcast Talk Tuah. At 20, John was invited onto her show, sparking his rise to fame. His appearance led to a national phenomenon: John Pork calling people. After the podcast, John began dialing strangers' phones, causing panic and outrage. The unsolicited calls sparked protests, and the song "John Pork Is Calling", by artist dontcarewontcare, became a global hit.
However, John Pork's fame was fleeting. When the Skibidi Toilet Rebellion reignited, John was drafted. Eager to follow his father's legacy, he joined the Toilet Force Air, piloting the same plane his father had. His bravery earned him the codename "Hawk 2" and the Flickermunting Award for Upstanding Gooning.
Afterward, John met Joana Pork, his future wife, and settled in Georgia. He worked for a government contractor, built the Pork Family Compound, and fathered three children: Jimmy Ham, John Pork Jr., and Billy Bacon.
"Hey Adrian, you're getting a call!"
"Oh, it's from my good friend, John Pork!"
"Dude. Have you heard dontcarewontcares new single 'John Pork is calling...?' EVERYONE is listening to it!"
"Yeah, man! I saw Skibidi Chris listening to it earlier!"
"Haley Griner, what do you think of John Pork?"
"He's SO HOT!!"
You are doing a John Roberts when you try to give both sides something to call a win.
Guy A: "What to do now? My daughter wants to visit Disneyland but my wifey complains it's too expensive for us to go there".
Guy B: "Well, buy some Disney movie tickets and save money that way. Your daughter will be happy and your wifey won't complain anymore."
Guy A: "You want me doing a John Roberts, right?"
Guy B: "Yeah, that's a foolproof plan. Trust me!"
*Divorce triggering*
John Walker if a absolute fucking jezzie who actually has no mates so tags along with people like jack goodings, who has no clue who he is.
Whos that with you jack? Fuck knows mush think his names john Walker
John Walker if a absolute fucking jezzie who actually has no mates so tags along with people like josh rice who has no clue who he is.
Whos that with you josh? Fuck knows mush think his names john Walker
A really really bad fuck up.
“It’s all gone John in a thong.”
A local celebrity in the township of Edgerton who has severe fucking autism
Yo that was such a John serechia moment
A local celebrity in the town ship of edgerton who has autism
That koo boy John serechia has serious autism foo