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Today I want to talk about "Spanking the Monkey". The term is used as a euphemism for male masturbation. It is generally only used between close friends and not toward a person of authority. The history behind the phrase is a mystery, no one quite knows how it came to be. It does not have a direct relationship to the actual act. The phrase indicates that your penis is a monkey and that it has been very bad.
"Last night I spanked my monkey 8 times."
"If you keep spanking your monkey like that, you'll go blind and grow hair on your palms."
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An evil creature that inhabits ones closet.
There's an evil monkey in my closet.
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From monkey's arse. A more polite way of saying that you don't give a fuck/shit. Often used on television programmes shown before nine.
Hollie: Ruddy Hell! You're such a muppit.
Tom: I don't give a monkey's what you think.
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When having sex with a woman, leave a creampie.
He then proceeds to scoop it out and throws it at her face.
This is not dissimilar to the way a monkey throws feces at its fellows.
"Dude I wanna do the monkey sooo bad after Billy did it to Cindy."
"Yea man, Billy is the greatest."
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A line spoken in Kong: Skull Island- where a helicopter pilot lays eyes on King Kong for the first time.
"Is that a monkey?" -US Air Calvary Pilot