breakfast in bed

When a girl is passed out from drinking and a guy starts jacking off in the morning, jumps on the bed, shakes it to wake the girl up, and skeets all over her face.

After getting shitfaced the night before, Mary was passed out from drinking. Jack decided to surprise her by serving some breakfast in bed.

93👍 90👎

Bed-warming

Cultivating flirtatious relationships with multiple people at once to be sure of having a sexual partner and emotional caretaker lined up when the relationship/marriage you're in ends.

Usually done dishonestly, by people who are incapable of functioning without an audience giving them constant affirmation that they exist. Often indicates emotional immaturity and narcissism.

Bed-warming is most effective online, where real details of the bed-warmer's life and circumstances are not visible.

"Seriously? Check out his recently-added friends, they're all good-looking women. He's bed-warming."

"Dude, she's bed-warming. Don't take it personally. Or at least don't take it seriously."

"Do you like crowds? Because you're in one. He's bed-warming you and at least six other people."

"Run away. Bed-warmer. And married. And a pathological liar looking for a therapist/mommy/housekeeper/bill-payer/way out of the marriage."

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bed panic

The feeling of horror which occurs when staff and patients in a hospital ward realise there are not enough bed pans to go around, and several bedbound patients in urgent need to urinate or defecate.

There was a bed panic in the ward last night, followed by a lot of extra laundry!

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Bed squeaking

To masturbate at a summer camp on a bed made of springs. It makes a squeaking sound so everyone else in the cabin knows your jacking off.

At camp when i was masturbating/bed squeaking the guy under me kept yelling "would you stop it!!!" it also works for minorities like women and gays, too!

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wearable bed

Developed in Japan, has two modes: 'bed' and 'coat.' Can be worn as a coat or used as an inflatable bed. Allows a person to sleep anywhere they want, and is one size fits all.

Mike: "What a great idea! The wearable bed."

Ann: "Yeah, I wish I thought of that."

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shit the bed

Minnesota Vikings

Jim: What happened to the 5-0 Vikings?
Martin: They shit the bed so hard this year.

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bed job

when someone is so desperate for sex that they start to hump their bed pretending it is a real person.

OR

they are practising their moves on the bed by themselves to get ready for later tonight

"hmmm.. i think i might bed job to get in the mood"

OR

"i cant score with anyone! :( *sighs* guess ill just bed job"

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