seven words you can't say on television

A famous comedy routine performed by George Carlin about words the FCC prohibits being said on TV

In America we are supposed to have free speech, so it doesn't make sense that there can even be such a thing as seven words you can't say on television.

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You can't sit on your own arse.

An English idiom demonstrating the fact that one cannot sit on one's own arse.

Well, you know what they say; "You can't sit on your own arse."

you can't get there from here

A situation where streets have been subject to so much traffic calming modification (eg fences, traffic lights, one way streets) that it is impossible to get to the place you want, even though you can see it clearly.

Tourist: "I want to go to that shop but there's nowhere to cross the street."
Local: "You can't get there from here. You have to go back the way you came to the traffic lights, cross over to the other side of the street, walk back this way, go past here, then three blocks down there's a pedestrian crossing, cross back to this side, and head back down this way."
Tourist: "That's ridiculous!"
Local: "Yeah, but what can you do?"

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This is why we can't have nice things

No matter how nice of a thing you have, no matter how hard you may try, someone will always find a way to fuck it up.

Josh: Hey bro can I borrow your phone?
Me: I dunno man, I just bought this. I don't even have a case on it yet!
Josh: Chill dude, I ain't gonna break it. It'll just take a second..
Me: Okay...
Josh:*Immediately drops it on the ground, denting the corner*
Me: God damn it Josh, this is why we can't have nice things.

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Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em Club

A group of asshole players who join the team that they can't beat

*Notable members of Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em Club:
~ Ron Artest (Metta World Peace), signed with the Lakers after being eliminated in the second round (2009 playoffs)
~ Ray Allen, signed with the Heat after being eliminated in the conference finals (2012 playoffs)
~ Andre Iguodala, signed with the Warriors after being eliminated in the first round (2013 playoffs)
~ Kevin Durant, signed with the Warriors after being eliminated in the conference finals (2016 playoffs)
~ Since LeBron James is 2-0 against the Heat during 2009-10 season, He is not a member of this club

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I've fallen and I can't get up

A really annoying catchphrase from the late 80's/early 90's that originated from a commercial for a paramedical emergency radio for the elderly. During the commercial, and old lady falls off her walker and in the most pathetic tone of voice possible, utters this phrase into the advertised device.

Before everyone and their mom was screaming "I'm Rick James, bitch" they were screaming "I've fallen and I can't get up" in a sad attempt to be funny and witty.

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If he can't break bread he fake

If somebody doesn't look out for you like you look for them , they fake

If he can't break bread he fake, i had one more buck in my plate , it was me and bro and both of us got 50 cent cakes

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