Nothing in one hand and shit in the other

Neither of your two options are good. But one is just plain out shitty.

Jimmy: Unemployed David has a job offer for only $5hr.
Billy: Well he’s got nothing in one hand and shit in the other.

handed a board

I got handed a board

I was about to text, but I got handed a board

double handed russian

Double underleg maturbation. To put ones arms under ones legs, grapple the rod and tug one out ferociously

My nobs throbbin, I'm going home for a double handed russian.

sausage hand

When someone has fingers that look like sausages

You got sausage hand bro.

intestine hands

Known for taking something good and turning it into shit with everything you touch.

A kid was given a new toy. His intestine hands guaranteed the toy would soon be broken.

Words with Hands

This is when a verbal argument gets physical. I'm not condoning violence, but it happens.

Al: "Hey! Don't be talkin' smack on my girl, Maisey. Maisey is a queen and you are a chump!"
Benji: "Suck it, Al! Just like Maisey did last night!"
Al: "Oh this is now Words with Hands, bitch!"
Al went smash and Benji went down...

Suicide Hands

Suicide hands is when someone does something that makes you cringe

‘Hey, did you see what jason put on his story?’ ‘Yes, it gave me suicide hands’