Turnkey Jerk

turn·key jerk
/ˈtərnˌkē/ /jərk/

noun

A person who is just automatically a jerk. Simply turn the key, and you get a jerk. No muss. No fuss. The kind of person you can easily find at George Costanza's "Jerk Store". If the Jerk Store calls, they are probably looking for you - the Turnkey Jerk.

Person 1: "I think Cathy is a real Turnkey Jerk..."
Person 2: "Yea, maybe, but that dude Ryan is even more of a Turnkey Jerk-Face"

6👍 2👎

stealth jerk

To stealthily masturbate while people are around.

Guy: Dude, we were eating dinner and I stealth jerked at the table

Friend: Holy shit dude, thats sneaky.

Guy: Yeah, I hit my sister on the leg.

5👍 1👎

Urkle jerk

The act of skeeting on Someones valuables. Then, upon their discovery of the soiled product say "did I do that?"

Dustin: I put on my headphones this morning and got a ear full of skeet. I feel like I have been Urkle jerked

Randal: Did I do that!?

5👍 1👎

Janko Jerk

When a person driving a car with a manual transmission jerks the steering wheel at the exact moment he/she shifts gears, in an attempt to induce wheelspin or "chirp" the tires.

Ol' Bryan took me for a ride in his mustang. It's a 4 cylinder and it won't lay rubber...so he kept trying to janko jerk it.

7👍 2👎

Jerk Tard

someone being a jerk and a retard unknowingly. randomly and innocently abusing other people out of sheer oblivion

Biff: Dude, check out this pic of this chick I'm stalking. It's on my facebook account.

Pepe: Dude, you're a jerk tard. Now everyone knows you're trying to screw over your girlfriend, including her cause she can see your facebook posts.

7👍 2👎

double-jerking

The act of maintaining an unprotected wireless network soley to redirect bandwidth stealers to a proxy server. The proxy logs are then used to spy on which pornographic sites are being browsed to. The thought of someone else jerking off on the maintainers bandwidth get thems off.

Andy was approaching his vinegar strokes double-jerking to his neighbour browsing to www.teenswithbignobs.com. He was going to explode over his keyboard any second now...

7👍 2👎

Jerk Head

A jerk (male or female) who may appear sweet to begin with but upon time displays his/her true personality. Often jerk head behaviour is seen in males after they may not obtain physical intimacy quickly enough from a female. Fortunately a true jerk head generally only hides their ulterior motives for so long.

"I was dating John and when I didn't put out he turned into a total jerk head and never called again".

7👍 2👎