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Someone who assumes something negative after a general phrase, to either bring you down or be an asshole.
I'm gonna go outside.
You can't skateboard outside because it's wet dumbass...
I was gonna go for fun you Assumption Asshole...
The asshole meter is a way that you can rate yourself to find out if you are a complete and utter asshole. The meter goes like this.
Level 1: Jerk, probably where most people fall on this list, they're generally nice people but at times can be a bit of a dickhead.
Level 2: Dick, this is the guy who you see calling girls "his bitches" and trying to get on every girl he sees.
Level 3: Douchebag, popped collar, hair gelled, sunglasses at night, you know the deal.
Level 4: Asshole, if you rate here, then you probably don't have many friends, you're an asshole all the time, you're that guy who scream at the drive through worker for ten minutes for forgetting the straw, or the guy who would literally steal candy from a baby.
Girl 1: I think I might like Joe.
Girl 2: Really he is such a douche on the asshole meter.
Girl 1: Really I only thought he was a dick?
Girl 2: Look at the collar! And it's ten o'clock at night, why the hell is he wearing sunglasses?
Or Asshole Camera.
Referring to the camera used in sporting events to showcase (usually zoomed in for added assholeness) the athlete who caused the foul or penalty which halted play, and most likely screwed his team or him/ herself. See butterfingers.
Usually followed by Asshole Slo-Mo.
FOOTBALL GAME
*Whistle blows, play ends.*
Announcer: "Looks like there's a yellow flag on the field. Yep, #21, Paris Patricks, has a pass interference. That's a ten yard penalty, and third down."
Camera: Cut to Asshole Cam (closeup of Paris). (Could be showing anger, disappointment, or indifference.)
Announcer: "Let's see that play again!"
Camera: Cut to Asshole Slo-Mo.
Someone who is such a prick that neither the word dickhead or asshole applies.
You slept with my girlfriend you dickfaced asshole?
A medical condition involving densely impacted shredded coconut in the lower colon that results from eating too many macaroons way too quickly.
Lemme tell you, getting my macaroon asshole roto-rooted in an urgent care setting was a great way to spend a Saturday night.
Assholes Anonymous or AA – A 12-step program for assholes in an attempt to recover from its horrible sphincter grip into recovery. An asshole can never be cured but they can be “in recovery.”
Some never come to grips with their situation until they have suffered an assectomy
The 12 Steps of Assholes Anonymous
1. We admitted we were powerless over our assholiness - that our lives had become unmanageable
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to non-asshole living.
3. Made a decision to turn our asshole desires and asshole habits over to the care of God as we understood God
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our own personal asshole.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our being an asshole.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of being an asshole.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our assholes.
8. Made a list of all persons the asshole in us had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or other assholes
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were being an asshole, promptly admitted it
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will to free us from our assholes and the power to carry that out
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other assholes, and to practice these principles in all our affairs
From an AA (Assholes Anonymous) meeting:
Mike: "My name is Mike and I am an asshole. I was born an asshole and have been an asshole, sometimes in denial all of my life."
Group: "Hi, Mike!"
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An individual who is dangerously close to being known as and reffered to as an asshole.
Jake is a borderline asshole, only learning control his temper will save him.
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