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A show on Lifetime about a talking whale letting out her anger about her weight on small children and mentally disabled parents alike. The show takes place in a dance studio, where a white whale had managed to evolve to the point of being able to walk on land. The whale managed to find a dance studio to cower in and bemoan its fate. The dance instructor was working late hours, and saw the whale was in need of help, and took the whale under her wing.
The whale began to learn basic cognitive functions from the dance instructor. Less than a year later, the whale began to speak fluent English. It also spent the time learning dance moves, however it could not manipulate its enormous body to achieve such dexterous movements. When it was ready, it ate the dance instructor and inherited her position.
And so. the show records the whales efforts to teach children how to dance. It lashed out its anger at the smallest mishaps, unleashing her anger and traumatizing these children. The mothers watched, their simple minds unable to comprehend the cruelties their daughters face. When they did understand, the made a measly protest and were verbally assaulted by the whale. In front of there own children. It was decided that, upon the creation of the show, the only parents worthy of being on Dance Moms must have severe mental disabilities, so the none of them would have the common sense to withdraw their daughter and quit.
Typical fan of Dance Moms: Hurr durr dance derp.
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Generally speaking, a soccer mom is an upper middle class white woman from the suburbs. But soccer moms can be divided into two categories:
-Mrs. Foo Foo-
She was born into an upper middle class family. Her daddy payed her way through college, where she met "hubby" (who, of course, was majoring in business). She was married straight out of college, and has never had to work a day in her life because "hubby" is now some sort of douchebag in middle management. Despite "hubby" only making $80,000/year, she still likes to convince herself that he makes well into the six figures. She attempts to show this off by her large ass SUV and her daily trips to the local mall. She is in her late 20s, and 30/40s, and still tries to shop in the juniors sections, and constantly talks about her sorority back in college. She is a member of the PTA and the "Christian stay at home moms basket weaving club" at her church, although back in college she'd suck a dick at the drop of a hat. She lives vicariously through her daughters, which is why you will find her in her fold up chair definitely wearing capris, at the YMCA youth league soccer team cheering on her future little prom queen, who by the way is the best cheerleader on her $8,000 a year cheerleading team. If she has sons, he is of course "Mr. Athlete." This is not by choice of the child. ALL of her children are blond, even if she and her husband are both brunettes. Her children do not know the father, since he constantly away on his business trips screwing his secretary. This, of course causes his daughters to grow up with a "daddy complex," where they sleep with anything with a pulse and a penis to get that male attention, therefore, continueing the Mrs. Foo Foo tradion, and his sons grow up to have a drugs problem. Mrs. Foo Foo and her husband are hardcore conservative Republican.
Soccer mom number 2 is:
Mrs. Frumpy-
Mrs. Frumpy was born into a middle class blue collar family. She has always wanted nothing more than to be a mom. Her husband works a blue collar job barely making $40,000 a year working 12 hours a day, because she refuses to get a job because "Jesus intended for moms to stay at home with their little ones." Her hobbies include scrapbooking, clipping coupons, and being president of the PTA and the "Christian stay at home moms basket weaving club," and of course, her children. She is madly obsessed with her children. She only lets her 14 year old listen to Radio Disney or the Christian family songs station. Any video game not radio "E" is inappropriate. The more extremist "Mrs. Frumpies" are homeschoolers, for they feel anything that is not Christian is evil, so it shall never come in contact with her children. You can find Mrs. Frumpy on her picnic blanet at the YMCA youth soccer league games with her 4 kids, cheering on junior. Mrs. Frumpy's daughters will not play soccer, because Jesus did not intend for little girls to be rough and tough.
Mrs. Foo Foo is the skinny ugly blonde bitch in that big ass SUV with the "W" sticker on the back, hauling her kids to as many activities as possible, soccer mom
Mrs. Frumpy is that fat ugly, mini van driving, Christian zealot hauling her daughters to ballets, and sons to soccer, soccer moms.
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Who I was doing.
Police: What were you doing last night
Suspect: Your mom! *SLAP!* OW!
As you can see, not a wise choice unless you are sitting on the other end of an online chat, like me.
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A middle-aged, middle-upper class woman who generally drives an SUV, a minivan or a station wagon (the latter of which is rarely seen in this era), and lives in a suburban area such as Parsippany, New Jersey, my hometown. They believe that their children are the most important things in the world, and refuse to let them listen to any music other than Top 40 radio, play any violent video games, or let them watch TV without them nearby, as any of these could supposedly corrupt their fragile minds. They are generally members of the local PTA, and have their kids participate in as many after-school programs as possible, so they could have themselves some "me" time. They usually put soccer ball stickers on their bumpers, tailgates, or gas caps, and are especially notorious for popularizing the infamous "honor student" bumper stickers. Soccer moms are usually homemakers, especially if they have young children, and live of the income generated by their well-paid husbands.
My next-door neighbor Liz Gonzales is a soccer mom.
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The thing that manufactured you.
Also a comeback.
guy 1: Dude what made me?
guy 2: Ur mom
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A highly derogatory phrase which replaces the subject of a person's sentence to form a base and unoriginal form of retaliation (for those with difficulty thinking of witty comebacks).
"That was a great sandwich."
"Ur Mom was a great sandwich! Oh! Diss!"
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