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This hot and sexy kid who dressed up like a pirate on halloween. He also has a slut Ex girlfriend named Amanda who nobody likes. First Mate Rob also has a heterolife mate named J Wood. First Mate Rob and J Wood go to Vo-Tech together, where they slack off and make fun of Miss Piggy and Hotdog Boy. One day Rob and J wood got bored and they decided to tell Hotdog boy that Neo called and he wanted his Trenchcoat back. Oh man good times has by all. Theres also this kid named Deep Fried Dan, hes a crazy kid who asks people if they're afraid of cell phones. Also if you have sex with Rob, you always come back for more.
J Wood:Oh man Robs wearing a patch!
First Mate Rob:Its first mate Rob you scum.
J Wood:Sorry Suge, please don't kill me Suge.
Rob:What we doing today J Wood?
J Wood:The same shit we did yesterday...
Rob:Megaman bitches! But before we do, i got to watch Shaun of the Dead again!
J Wood:Go kill yourself Rob....OH GOD LOOK OUT DANS TRYING TO BITE YOU!
Rob:AHHHHHH
*J Wood and Rob run to the other side of the room*
J Wood:What are we gonna do?
Rob:Hit it in the head!
J Wood:What are we gonna throw?
Rob:I don't know, throw a god damn computer...
J Wood:But these computers belong to liz!
Rob:WHAT?!?!?!That makes NO FUCKING SENSE!
J Wood:Whoops, i'll take this one.
*J Wood throws a monitor at Dan, killing him*
Rob:Wow, that was weird....
J Wood:Yeah boyeee, find something to clank.
*J Wood and Rob clank binders*
COMING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU!
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when a rather loud fart is cut, the ears of gay men will perk up to determine from which ass the fart came. thte smell of a nasty old fart to a gay man is likened to a heterosexual smelling a nice pussy
dude 1....(cuts big ass fart)
dude 2....hey man! chill out with the gay mating calls....we ARE in the castro
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When a stranger approaches you for no apparent reason and almost immediately tells you their life story. Public transport, bars and queues are the most popular places for the 5 Minute Mate to be found. Often they will start with a casual comment relevant to the situation and progress very quickly leading to you knowing everything that ever happened to them in their life in 5 minutes. They'll walk away leaving you tired and confused but safe in the knowledge you just made another 5 Minute Mate.
"Oh my this bank queue doesn't seem to be getting any shorter."
Me: "I know, terrible isn't it..."
"I remember once being in a queue for an hour just to pay in a cheque and then I was late for a doctors appointment to see whether the mole on my back was malignant or not. Turns out it wasn't but actually on the same day I found out I had a VD, I just mentioned a pain when I was urinating, you know a passing comment...of course I confronted my wife. She denied it. I was hoping she had changed her ways but she'd been shagging the Insurance guy. Last time it was the man who fitted the cable. It's funny you know, I used to sell insurance. Now I sell carpet cleaners...anyway no cancer but I ended up at the VD clinic and divorced. She got the dog, I was upset but I was always a little allergic to the hairs. I have a cat now. Called him Byron after my twin brother who died when I was 7....." and so it goes on for 3 more minutes.
The 5 Minute Mate.
Bill: “someone called my mom gay”
Fred: “don’t worry ur mate straight”
When you fuck up something in a really bad manner
Damn bro, you popped a tub mate mate! *must say in Australian accent*
When your best friend is at least an 8/10, but you can’t be trying to pick them up. Originated in Perth, Scotland.
“I look like a bag of shit today”
“Nah, you’re a solid mate out of ten”
The act of using morning wood to pound the chick in bed next to you. This chick is typically a wife or girlfriend because if it was a one-night-stand, the chick would be gone already.
One jolly-hard fellow wakes up in the morning and sees his hot-ass women still sleeping. He wakes her up with a few kisses down her neck and whispers: "Hey babe, Let's Wake N Mate."
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