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A person who is obsessed with crossfit and metalcore music. They are so talented at crossfit, they feel the need to participate in it almost every day, even when injured. Also known as WWE Superstar Seth Rollins.
My friend keeps sending me pictures of crossfit jesus lifting weights and she needs to stop.
Nowere in the bible does it say that jesus isnt a raptor.
Lawl im in your base killing all your mans. -raptor jesus
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The handle above the windows in most cars, so called for the propensity of people to shout "Oh Jesus!" while clutching it in mortal terror at the driver's skill level or sanity.
Also known as an oh shit handle.
My aunt is such a terrible driver. Whenever she drives everyone clings to their jesus handles.
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Usually associated with video games,
RNJesus is the deity of RNG. (random number generators)
When the outcome of a certain scenario could be determined by a random factor most players can do nothing except pray to RNJesus.
(1) "I was playing Hearthstone and the guy had 3 hp so I prayed to RN jesus and played mad bomber, my prayers were answered and I won"
(2) "I was playing first round T-side running and spamming my glock, RN jesus gave me two headshots"
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Maaria Jesus is the most amazing person youll ever meet, and one of the few people that will stay with you no matter what. Shes is a gorgeous girl who by first glance looks kinda bitchy but as you get to know her that thought gets out of your head, very close to her family and friend members so if you do anything to them a Maria Jesus will fuck you up.
-Omg did you see what Maria Jesus did to the boy yesterday.
-Yeah i saw he got fucked up.
- Basically he staryed talking shit about her family
Something traveling above a "reasonable speed"
My and my buddy went on a beer run last night driving at Mach Jesus in his 2nd gen dodge