Basement Bum

A middle aged vagabond who hides in your basement in order to stay out of bad weather. They sit in the dark corners of your cellar until you go down there to get laundry done or bring out the holiday ornaments. Once you do, they attack you with a rusty screwdriver that is infested with diseases.

All basement bums are male. There is no such thing as a female basement bum. If you think you see a female basement bum, it's probably a hooker or a crackhead.

If you believe you may have a basement bum, do not call 911. The emergency operators will simply laugh at you. Instead, call 1-800-BUM-HELP and pray to god that it's not too late...

Guy 1: Hello?!

Guy 2: Hey. What's up?

Guy 1: Dude, come over quick! I think I may have a basement bum in my cellar!

Guy 2: Yeah fucking right, man. I'm not going to mess with that crazy fucker!

Guy 1: Please, I thought we were friends! Just come over real quick and bring your gun.

Guy 2: Ahahahahahaha! Bullets can't hurt a basement bum. You're fucking dead, man!

Guy 1: What should I do?!

Guy 2: Hang up and call 1-800-BUM-HELP quick!

Guy 1: What?

Guy 2: Just do it!! ...Godspeed!

Guy 1: Okay I'll call you ba--AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! HEEEEEEELP!! ...WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT SCREWDRIVER?!? OH SWEET JESUS!!!!! AHHHHHH!!

*Dial Tone*

Guy 2: Holy shit...

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Keen for a bum?

Phrase used largely in the UK male homosexual community to enquire as to ones willingness to engage in anal sex.

Look, let's just cut to the chase, are you wasting my time or are you keen for a bum?

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Boy Bum

A weak fragile boy in his adult years that could be mistaken for a 15 year old.

It’s hard to go out in public with boy bum, I don’t want people to think I’m hanging out with little kids.

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Bum Money

The financial gifts bestowed upon one who is willing to offer their gentleman friend / lover / spouse (or someone else’s spouse) the regular joy of carnal delight a la derrière.

Sarah’s credit card bill was due on Monday. Fortunately, the filthy weekend she had planned with Gavin would assure sufficient Bum Money would be sent her way to cover it.

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Bum Turnip

A long white vegetable that grows in the anus after eating a certain combination of vegetables. Often considered a delicacy amongst hardcore rimming circles.

After a long and cold winter Jen's Bum Turnip snapped off after long bum chew.

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bum fencing

An expression used to describe the act of 'sword play' by means of a dildo, inserted into a persons anus. The act of fencing is carried out on all fours, bum to bum, until the losing opponent "lets go" of their weapon.

nothing on TV tonight love - u fancy a round of bum fencing ?

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Belsen Bum

Someone whose fart gases are so potent, that inhaling such gases is likely to lead to the prompt demise of the inhalee.

A purveyor of the Silent-But-Deadly

See also: Auschwitz Arse

Vicky, you Belsen Bum! Must you pass wind like th.......... *dead*

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