Rectal/Cranial Inversion

Having one's head up one's ass.

Julie is such a suck-up! She's suffering from a rectal/cranial inversion these days!

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Simian Cranial Cannon

This is the term describing the act involving one sick person and a (preferably) dead ape. This act requires the insertion of the penis into the nasal cavity of the ape and ejaculating as close to the brain of the ape as possible. If this position is achieved and semen reaches the brain, the ape will react as if it has been shot by a cannon, recoiling its head backwards. If it is alive of course. If not, you are a sick zoonecrophiliac.

"Guys, I'm gonna go do a Simian Cranial Cannon, be back in 5."
"Ok Peter, make sure its dead this time, unlike last time, OK?"

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Cranial - rectal syndrome

An advanced form of cognitive dissonance where a person's head is actually so far up their own ass that it reemerges from their own mouth thus creating a black hole of ignorance and hypocrisy devoid of reason or logic.

Trump supporters must suffer from cranial - rectal syndrome because they seem to not understand their own hypocrisy.

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cranial bypass

1. The act of ignoring a statement or event which one finds disturbing or which defeats one's argument.

1. When reminded that he had originally been adamantly opposed to the surge strategy in Iraq, the President gave it a cranial bypass.

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cranial-anal extrication

Removing your head from inside your ass.

You just compared the person who disagreed with you on the internet to Hitler. I think you require a major cranial-anal extrication.

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oral-cranial disconnect

A state wherein the mouth is running at full speed while the brain remains idle.
Also known affectionately as 'OCD'.

I realized he was suffering from oral-cranial disconnect when I heard him mindlessly spewing nonsense at 90 words a minute, and his brain was obviously still in neutral.

Severe Cranial Rectitus

Severe cranial rectitus(n.); A condition in which someone's rectum has been deeply penetrated by either their own head or somebody else's in such a manner that medical attention is required to thus remove the cranium from inside of the anal cavity.

"Dude, why do you always have to think with your head up your ass?"
"Its actually a medical condition i was diagnosed with; but my insurance won't cover the bill it costs to treat my Severe Cranial Rectitus."