Rectal Riot

An act where a man or woman takes a massive shit that stretches their butthole, then gets ass fucked directly after leaving you sore and unable to walk.

Person 1: Why are you walking so funny today?
Person 2: I had a Rectal Riot last night.

rectal jousting

A competition of masculine will, where two men align their buttholes against one another, and the first one to shit wins the match.

Bryan wanted to prove he was manlier than Steve, so Bryan challenged Steve to a game of rectal jousting. Bryan shit first, and won the battle, proving his masculinity was far greater than pansy-assed Steve.

Rectal Myopia

The most widely used excuse given for absence from school/work. One's inability to see one's ass coming in today.

Mr. Taylor, It's Chip. I'm afraid I won't be able to make it into the office today. I have rectal myopia.

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Rectal gulp

The unwelcomed surprise, splash-back anal entry of liquid produced by the forceful impact of well-formed stool with toilet bowl water.

I feel so unclean. Yesterday's burritos, poor planning, a gas-station restroom and a rectal gulp. Next time, I'll just shit in the parking lot.

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rectal rocket

Hamburgers from White Castle. Also known as "sliders".

I ran to the shitter and blew major ass all over because of the rectal rockets from an hour earlier.

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rectal blockage

n. A rectal blockage is a large mass of dry, hard stool that can develop in the rectum due to chronic constipation. This mass may be so hard that it cannot come out of the body. Watery stool from higher in the bowel may move around the mass and leak out, causing soiling or diarrhea.

I had a rectal blockage for a week and finally had to seek professional help to have it removed. No more cheese for me!

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Rectal Thinker

A complete dumbass with no common sense. No level of learning instruction or education will improve the intelligence of a rectal thinker.

My boss is a rectal thinker.

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