u can't drown satan he can fucking swim

why the fuck would someone even look this up

i hav no idea im hella drunk my loves¯\_(ツ)_/¯
i mean why would someone put this in a sentence

Guy1: *shows le middle finger*
Guy2: Fuck off Jerry
Guy1: u can't drown satan he can fucking swim

6👍 1👎

I can't remember how it ends, but your mothers a whore

the end of the world's funniest joke as said my Sean Connery (played by Darrel Hammond) in a Saturday Night Live Celbrity Jeoprady Sketch (Alex Trabeck Played by Will Ferrel)

Sean:Whats the Difference and a Mallord with a cold?

Alex: what

Sean: One's a sick duck, I can't remember how it ends, but your mothers a whore.

66👍 21👎

You can't fire me because I quit syndrome

The inability to accept the inevitable or obvious after an event has already happened.

Boss: You're fired!
Loser: You can't fire me, because I QUIT!
Boss: I don't know what you're quitting- I already fired you.
Loser: I QUIT, ya hear?! QUIT!!
Boss (to Secretary): Barbara, call security. We've got another case of "You can't fire me because I quit syndrome"

105👍 38👎

Lame White People Who Can't Rap Freestyle Showdown

The next new Reality Series for the fall lineup. Get this. We take ten white teenagers from Suburbian America, put them all in the same house to live in for six weeks, and every week eliminate one in a Rap Battle until only one is left, who'll win a recording contract on Shady Records. Guest judges will be Christina Aguilera, Eminem, Justin Timberlake, and Sarai. Coming this fall to a TV near you. Most likely will be aired on UPN.

White People, come for "WWe Smackdown!" Stay for Lame White People Who Can't Rap Freestyle Showdown.

Black People, come for "One-On-One", Stay for Lame White People Who Can't Rap Freestyle Showdown.

55👍 46👎

You can't have your cake and eat it too

you cant enjoy what is yours. you can work or you can enjoy.

example:
you work really hard and finish a report, someone else takes credit.

or

you have a gorgeous girlfriend whom only others enjoy in bed.

you enjoy fishing and eating fish, you catch a fish, but your wife eats it.

she says "You can't have your cake and eat it too"

142👍 727👎

you can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit

You can't make something from anything.

You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit.

55👍 54👎

You can beat the miner, but you can't beat the gambler

A reference to how hard work can be outdone by luck in some instances, such as how a miner could work in the caves and a gambler could win more money than him in a casino.

person 1: Did you hear that Darragh fella won a free chicken roll last night?
person 2: Well, you know what they say, you can beat the miner, but you can't beat the gambler!