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The product of writing nonsense to post online due to keyboard diarrhea!
Most of these posts are just keyboard poop!
The perceptual slowdown of time while you're pooping.
Roughly, the conversion ratio with normal time can be estimated as:
1minute (poop time) = 5 minute (real time)
Matthew: Oh jesus, sorry for taking so long on the toilet.
Mom: It was only five minutes, no big deal.
Matthew: It felt like an hour! I always underestimate the power of the poop minute.
"Listen, guys... I gotta tell you something."
"What is it, Noah?"
"I have a poop kink."
*everybody covers their butts and runs away in pure terror*
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The act of having to use the nearest bathroom at least 5 minutes or so after eating food at one's college made by the Sodexo company.
"Wow! I just got back to my dorm from lunch 5 minutes ago, and I have to take a massive sodexo poop!"
or
"Holy Shit, I'm glad they served that lasagna breakfast burrito from three days ago! Now I have to destroy the toilet with my sodexo poop"
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You can't shit during July mate, you gotta hold it until August
Oi cunt, why did ya shit during No Poop July
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Similar to playing "chicken" with an opposing car on a road, "poop chicken" begins when you and someone else walk into a public restroom at the same time, both with the intention to take a shit. You go into your separate stalls and then sit there, waiting for the other to leave so that you can do your business in peace. The first person to just get up and leave without pooping loses the game of poop chicken.
Oh man. I had to take a shit so bad today at work, but some woman from another office on our floor walked into the bathroom at the same time, so we ended up just playing poop chicken for a few minutes until she finally gave up and left. I was victorious and then proceeded to shit in peace.
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Another word for toilet paper.
Hey don't forget to pack some poop mittens for the camping trip.
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