pressed oysters

The act of a male pressing his testicles (penis held askew) against a transparent or translucent surface, rendering them flat and spread out, not unlike an oyster. The full scrotum would be against the surface. Commonly pressed surfaces include bus shelters, exgirlfriend's car windshields, and bar windows.

"So get this - we're waiting for the bus, and Brendan sees Stephanie coming our way, he totally drops his parachute pants and gives her the pressed oysters. It totally blew her away!"

"Richard showed the unsuspecting home improvement store girl his pressed oysters through the glass block he held against his waist. She was not pleased."