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Often classified as one who is in a CULT with other bike vegans. Most Bike Vegans are hairy, have braided hair, and are always reaking of a foul stench such as Body Odor, Bad Vegan Food, and nasty breath. They often do not shower as well. Also they are known for riding in lanes in the city streets often found aruging with drivers because they feel they own the road. Most of them are also democrats and all have the same political views. It is easily confusing to mistake one Bike Vegan with the other as they are members of a homogenious cult. Mostly seen on elevators in the city of office buildings with their annoying knapsack strapped around them, their sweaty hair and sweaty clothes giving off a horrible foul stench.
Bike Vegan
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Someone who, for reasons of personal principle, follows a strict vegetarian diet and boycotts wool, silk, leather, and sometimes zoos. Does not require one to be affluent, to humble-brag, or to be contemptuous of and faux-horrified at everyone who's not a vegan; is nonetheless correlated with all of the above.
"I have mixed feelings on vegans; it seems like either they teach you how to bake without using eggs, or they say that you should be skinned alive for wearing shearling."
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Someone who claims to be or inspires to be Vegan, but regularly eats meat when it suits them. A crypto vegan often raises their veganism in conversations with work colleagues and friends, and refers to meat eaters as "killers", but will happily munch on a Big Mac on a Friday night. Can often be seen eating (non vegan) pasta for lunch, lacking the knowledge that pasta is made from egg. Frequently lobbies managers at work to host a "Vegan Christmas lunch" party, despite no other vegans working at the company.
Hey, you know Kerry from the office? I saw her in McDonald's yesterday ordering a double quarter pounder with cheese meal. I thought she was one of those vegan crusaders?
What, Kerry? Nah, she's only vegan in front of colleagues.
But why? Who's she trying to impress, literally nobody cares? She even told me off for eating a ham sandwich the other day.
I know right? She's such a crypto vegan.
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It's to eat vegan, but stealing the vegetables from the animals
He is a vegan, but a bad vegan. He stole the food from the porks.
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Pig Latin, but the -ay is replaced by -egan
Person: Hello
Vegan: ello Hegan. ow Hegan are ou Yegan oing degan oday tegan?
Person: STOP SPEAKING VEGAN LATIN. WE ALREADY KNOW YOU ARE A VEGAN.
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Beaten, abused, tortured, species-confused and identity-confused, over-processed vegetables forced to cross-dress as meat, and then trafficked to primarily woke millennials.
Vegan food is food that nature surely did not intend.
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The act of using a vegetable for anal penetration while using salad dressing for lube.
Similar to the Dirty GF, where the dressing must be gluten free (no croutons)
After a good PETA protest downtown, Deckle’s girlfriend Lesnie rewarded him by performing the dirty vegan
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