Why did my dad leave me

He said I was a failure and he never wanted to see me again

Yo why did my dad leave me. Hit the fortnite.

25👍 1👎

Did you hear Joe got Ligma?

The ultimate power move. Immune to all counterattacks, including but not limited to: No U, Uno reverse card, etc.

Me: Did you hear Joe got Ligma?
Your Mom: Joe who?
Me: LIgma balls BITCH

35👍 2👎

What did the five fingers say to the face?

S l a p !

There's a new joke going around: What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!

410👍 80👎

I sofa king we todd did

An internet-spread prank that became widely used as a way for assholes to prank the unsuspecting victims who attempt to pronounce it. It is supposed to mean "I so fucking retarded," but many people do not realize this until the damage is done.

(At a local bar in front of many people)

Bro 1: Jimmmmay! Check this out!
(Scrabbles the words "I sofa king we tood did on a napkin)
Bro 2: Alright!
Bro 1: Say those words as loud as you can.
Bro 2: "I SOFA KING WE TODD DID!"
Hot Chick: Why do I even come here..

167👍 37👎

What the fuck did I just watch

The subtitle to the anime show Neon Genesis Evangelion and the conclusive movie The End of Evangelion.

*credits roll*
man
what the fuck did I just watch

50👍 8👎

I swear I did some research

writer’s defense when using factual information from research that was not clearly cited from its original source.

This essay about Einstein is amazing but what part of the paragraph was his knowledge and what part was from the book? I’m sure he'll say "I swear I did some research," but I need to see which information comes from the book.

Did you know you have rights?

Seemingly a simple marketing slogan used by all civil and criminal solicitors, this famous line is actually from Breaking Bad season 2 episode 8. It makes a hilarious appearance in Saul Goodman's television advertisement:

"Hi I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know you have rights? Constitution says you do. And so do I."

It is most commonly used amongst members of the unofficial, imaginary, crack-addicted breaking bad community that every zealous Breaking Bad viewer thinks they are uniquely apart of. The phrase is also the reason that many aspiring students have mistakenly entered the legal profession and incompetently represented and let down innocent people to the blood-thirsty prosecutors.

Friend 1: "This Subway is so terrible they never properly wrap my sandwich, it's literally at risk of falling apart."
Friend 2: "Did you know you have rights?"
Friend 1: "Constitution says you do."
Both friends: "And so do I."

*Friend 1 has just been convicted of gross negligence manslaughter after jokingly pushing their best friend down steep stairs and causing their death. They are in court awaiting sentencing by the judge.*
Friend 1: *anxious and regretful* "I didn't mean to. I can't believe I did that man. I-I-I ca-can't bel-"
Friend 2: "Calm down. Calm down! Did you know you have rights!?"
*Judge looks up in confusion*
Friend 1: *wipes tears from eyes and sniffles* "Constitution says you do!"
Judge: *slams gavel* "Order please!"
Both friends together: "AND SO DO I!"