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Dale Earnhardt Jr. NASCAR driver/Southern U.S. spiritual figure
In talladegastan (also known as the southern holy land) there lies a redneck jesus. One who can make the masses consume their mass quantities of bud light and bask in his victory, and pledge their allegiance to him and the heavenly father Dale Earnhardt Sr. For it is told this is the true path to the land of Daytona, a heaven-like place with more left turns.
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When a person of secular reason has finished explaining something, to the extent of their knowledge, and the person they are explaining to says, Jesus is the reason beyond that explanation.
Friend: Did you enjoy talking with David about the origin of species.
Guy: Ya but he kept Jesus Smuggling when I got to the primordial soup.
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There are a number of different meanings for Jesus Nut among the commonest are:-
a) In US Army slang, to describe something or someone vitally important to an enterprise. Said to come from the mythical Jesus nut that, supposedly, holds on a helicopter’s rotors.
b) In US Army slang, as a term of contempt for someone with an over-inflated opinion of themselves.
c) An overenthusiastic Christian.
a) Jonesie's’ workin' on the radio again.
Yeah! He knows it's the goddam Jesus Nut when we're on patrol tomorrow.
b) Look at that STRAC REMF struttin' round. Who's he think he is, Jesus Nut to the whole goddam war?
c) That padre is a real Jesus Nut!
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1. a theoretical burrito that Jesus Christ makes so hot that even he himself cannot eat it (usually said to be microwaved).
2. any burrito that is so hot that it can't be eaten by a mortal human (although Jesus probably could).
3. A burrito that is so hot it makes you see Jesus.
4. Archaic: A burrito that is so hot that it burns the sin right outta ya.
"Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?" -Homer Simpson
Ouch! That's a Jesus burrito! Es muy caliente!
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Jesus turned water into wine, wine represents or is(depending on your belief) the blood of Christ in Holy Communion ceremonies. Jesus Juice is the wine used for Holy Communion.
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When someone's legs are so pale, that people are blinded by how white and bright they are when the person wears shorts and/or shows off their legs.
After a long winter when I could start wearing shorts, my Jesus Legs were so bad, the reflection burned my friend's eyebrows off.
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The Southern Baptist version of karma.
Bill: Remember last week when John dropped his fishing pole in the lake and Frank couldn't stop laughing at him?
Ellen: Haha yeah, then Frank got what was coming to him when he tripped on the dock and fell in the water!
Bill: He sure got a Jesus whoopin'!
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