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A cone wrongly stolen by Pork Scotch that he once used to keep a space for his small white van outside his house while he went out in it because he thinks he is important because he's a security guard (EVEN more important than Shit Stained Schumachers you know). Because he had no right to do it, I moved it so that a car would park there. When he got back the look of shock on the ugly bastards face was phenomenal when he saw that a car had parked there. With a usual grumpy look on his face, he moved it onto the front of the house. He works from 6pm to 6am so at 10 we put it in a bin bag and took it onto another road an left it on the back of a Maltby lorry. In the morning, he was looking all over the place for his beloved cone with a mad look of disbelief. Looks like he'll never see his cone again. Poor Porky!
SWYTHEERBRIDGE: Whats that orange thing on the back of the Maltby lorry?
MONK AND DAD: That's Pork Scotch's Cone.
249👍 26👎
Discusting Tartan Boxer shorts that smell like shit. The only reason anyone knows that he wears these is because he came out of the bathroom in the morning while I was witing for the toilet and he had nothing on besides these. He seemed very embarassed and ran as fast as the little man could. When I walked in I realised why he was embarassed and ran to his room. The toilet stank like the worst pile of shit ever created. I ran straight back out. I used a pint of Air freshener and could still smell it at the bottom of the stairs.
ME: You'll never guess what I just saw.
DAD: What?
ME: Lets call them Pork Scotch pants. He came out of the bathroom and ran to his room wearing Tartan boxers. The bathroom stank!
223👍 24👎
Sticky pork belly is the action of making a fat cum on your partners stomach then mushing your stomach against theirs while snort like a pig.
Becky: Hey destiny, guess what brad did last night?
Destiny: What's that Becky?
Becky: He gave me a sticky pork belly, and then we fell asleep. His mom had to call the fire department to separate us.
Destiny: that's so hot.
The greatest pizza topping in the world but unfortunately not sold by any pizza place. If you phone up a pizza place and ask for this fine pizza the 'hard working' dickhead will say "sorry mate we dont do that one." Rather than asking what is on it and making a sale. The Pork Scotch pizza is loved by fat, old, arseholes of security guards, mainly Pork Scotch himself. The topping is pork pieces in a thick gravy sauce.
MANLY GIRLFRIEND: I'm ordering Italian tonight. What do you want Max?
MAX: Just 3 Pork Scotch pizzas please.
214👍 24👎
A huge set of keys that make someone that is truly as important as a little fat security guard look as important as they actually are. Never seen without the holder wearing some Pork Scotch Shades and a gay Dickurity Guard uniform.
Flonkule: Hi Dad, I see the Scotcher is here.
Dad: Yeah I saw him earlier witha set of Pork Scotch Keys. They make him look so important.
111👍 11👎
Boring, sensible black trousers with flaps over the back pockets. Worn by fat security guards who go out with men in drag, these trousers send people to sleep just by looking at them.
What the hell is fatboy wearing?
Pork Scotch trousers. Boring aren't they? Its the flap that does it.
<snore>
173👍 21👎
The amazing ability of Pork Scotch's to bore you to bloody death just by saying "hello" to you. If he ever sees that you are in his boring presence you must escape it immediately because if the boring, gay twat so much as looks you in the eye, you will drop to the floor and fall into a deep sleep. He has entered many talent shows and the reason he didn't win was because he knocked out all the judges when he got on the stage and said "Hello there I'm Max" while wearing his shades that make him look important. He thinks he knocks all the ladies out because he's 'drop dead gorgeous'.
Pork Scotch: Hello Alex.
Me: Please don't use the Pork Scotch Talent on me!
Pork Scotch: What Talent? I don't recall any Tal...
Me (snoring): snaaaaaagggghhhhh, wwwwhhhoooooo.
166👍 20👎