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Sriracha, that's it. Because hipsters put that shit on everything like my two year old does with actual ketchup.
I ordered fries but the chic millennial threw hipster ketchup all over them thinking it was cool and now my IBS is gonna flair up tonight. Damn hipsters.
What hipsters feel when something semi-obscure they like (or pretend to like) becomes popular, which they then have to pretend they never liked.
HIPSTER: I liked that song BEFORE it was in that commercial!
DOCTOR: Sounds like a case of hipster woe. Listen to this Os Mutantes album and see me next week.
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That time when you have to do lunges, squats, and knee lifts in your skinny jeans to prevent your pants from cutting off circulation to your legs.
"I think the dryer may have shrunk my Dickie's, I'd better do some hipster calisthenics."
n. An elderly person who, by simply continuing to dress as she or he has since before you were born, unintentionally ends up wearing outfits that would have taken you weeks to put together at your favorite thrift shop (the one that no-one else knows about... yet).
Hipster A: "Hey, did you check out that replacement hipster's pants?"
Hipster B: "Yeah man, I would have given my eyeteeth for those!"
Hipster mathematics, sometimes shortened to "hipster math", is a type of mathematics inherent to the lifestyle of hipsters. Hipster math does not follow the rules of the classical mathematics established by trained mathematicians and taught in schools. In this sense, hipster math is a form of "experimental" or "quantum" mathematics.
For example, it is well understood in classical mathematics that if a bank account contains a finite amount of funds, then the combination of having no fixed income with repeatedly withdrawing money from said bank account to finance lattes, flat whites, tighter and tighter jeans, Tom's shoes, outrageous sunglasses, the latest iPhone, ironic cigarettes, and obscure art magazines will eventually produce a zero or even negative balance. However, even hipsters with absolutely no income whatsoever (i.e. hipsters without even a token job at a video rental shop or as a barista) are able to continually and indefinitely finance such frivolities. Another interesting aspect of hipster math is that whenever you think you have counted all the hipsters in an urban park, there are always at least three or four more lurking about that somehow escaped the count, despite the fact that they are strumming guitars and singing loudly and are clearly visible in vibrant hipster uniforms.
"Dude, I think I have seen the same hipster going into that gentrified greasy spoon every night to chow down on a grilled cheese + lobster sandwich, crinkle-cut sweet potato fries, and an ethically-sourced lingonberry milkshake while listening to The Kooks in his Beats headphones and simultaneously scanning Pitchfork and a Henry James novel. He follows it all up with a latte macchiato and four or five Peruvian-chocolate-topped sheeps' butter biscotti. How is he losing weight instead of gaining it?"
"Don't worry about it, man. It's just hipster math."
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A fixed gear bicycle with a $2000 Italian frame bought by the accompanying hipster's parents as a Christmas gift, usually plastered with obscure stickers, may have brightly colored, mismatched rims with spoke cards bought off ebay. May have a tube frame pad with an ironic design... (Plaid). Fits snugly on the bike rack mounted to their decal laden, rusted out 1993 Volvo 240.
Yup, that's a Hipster's Cadillac.
Like an ostentation of peacocks, a murder of crows, or a parliament of owls, a pretension of hipsters is a simple and elegant term for a grouping of one of the more annoying self-referential and self-satisfied demographics in the history of demographics. Pretensions of hipsters can be found combing through old record stores in search of vinyl, hitting cool overpriced urban thrift stores, hanging for hours at local coffee shops, and, either performing in, or standing in line to listen to, a band of other hipsters with unfortunate facial hair, playing quasi-folky/blue grass inspired, unidentifiable something or other. There will be a banjo player.
Although pretensions of hipsters set up residence in cool and edgy neighborhoods such as Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and San Francisco's Mission District, where they can be spotted unabashedly overstating their cultural significance, they will have most likely arrived, trust funds in tow, during the second or third wave of gentrification, well after the hard-core artists have done the difficult work of staking out a claim in a relatively inexpensive if shady neighborhood, with no coffee shops, just delis and bodegas, with burnt coffee to go.
"Look honey, a pretension of hipsters just arrived in our neighborhood."
"Glad I didn't throw out my stove pipe hat."