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Three Hour Mormon Power Marathon

The act of going to mormon.org and trolling ONE missionary for an entire 3 hours without them leaving

Bill: Hey man, you wanna study for that math test?

Killroy: Forget the test! Tonight, I'm gunna beat the Three Hour Mormon Power Marathon.

by duplicitycommon May 30, 2011


Mormon slide

When you believe god is watching, insert your penis into the vagina and sit perfectly still, no kissing or anything.

“Hey man I gave her the Mormon slide last night”

Isn’t that a sin?”
“Only if you move.”

by Eat that pu557 September 5, 2018


The Book of Mormon

...it's a musical. THAT'S ALL I KNOW CALM DOWN

1: "YO, do you like the Book of Mormon?"
2: "mf, are you a mormon?"
1: "...no it's a musical"
2: "Wha-"
1: "TURN IT OOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFF LIKE A LIGHT SWITCH ON HOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL-"

by yo...danganronpa June 12, 2023


You're Built Like a Mormon

You have the body of a Mormon

My dick physically slipped and you're built like a Mormon.

by Prokaryote vs Eukaryote October 13, 2019


Mormon

The religion of the future for the West.

Mormon Christianity is very similar to Islam.

by Levi Ebenezer the Wicked January 11, 2021


Mormon

Cleveland

Cleveland is mormon

by MormonCleveland September 3, 2021


Mormon

A main focus of the church of Jesus’ Christ of Latter Day Saints is on families. One purpose of their temples is to be eternally sealed as a family so you can be together forever. Resurrection part 2(heaven) is made up of three little groups depending how you lived your life; celestial, terrestrial, and telestrial.

Celestial is the highest heaven: it’s closer to god. you only get go there if you are sealed in the temple, have children, follow the word of wisdom, and if you repent for your sins. If you don’t have kids or get married, have fun in the terrestrial kingdom, especially if you’re gay. “sexual relations are proper only between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded” meaning if you’re gay, the church expects you to suck it up and shove it. Next up is the telestrial kingdom, the place farthest from god. if you lived a good life and followed the Ten Commandments, but not the word of wisdom you go there. Hell is the absence of god’s presence. You go there if you get ‘led astray by satan’, aka leave the church.

Overall the Mormon church is based on lies, and only adjusts its core beliefs so it doesn’t get canceled. They have a good community that focuses on making sure even if you want to leave all your friends are from the church and they would just pity you for leaving. The families all put up a front to look good for each other so they can do something other than cry or make a sports metaphor about god in front of the whole church.

Me: This is a rant and it barely scratches the surface. Go to the church website, lds.org, for their values, they have a dictionary thing that states their beliefs on certain topics. For stuff against the church, the ces letter by Jeremy runnels is a good place to start. Another good spot is YouTube interviews with Ex-Mormons.

by Macetree November 29, 2021