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N. The ultimate in the range of awkward items or animals. An individual intending to correctly execute an awkward beached whale should lie face down on the ground and thrash their legs whilst pressed together as an impersonation of a whale's flipper. Then while doing this, the individual should rock from side to side whilst helplessly hitting the ground directly to their side with limp arms. The awkward beached whale is most successfully executed by lying on a floor, but it can also be executed on a table or chair.
Awkward beached whale should be used to best affect at a time of severe awkwardness which should be enough to break the ice of any situation.
*WARNING* AWKWARD BEACHED WHALE SHOULD NOT BE ATTAMPTED AT ANY INAPPROPRIATE AWKWARD TIMES SUCH AS IN A CHURCH OR IN A PROM DRESS OR TUXEDO. IT WILL CONSIDERABLY MAKE THE SITUATION MORE AWKWARD AND CAUSE PEOPLE TO TAKE OFFENCE !!!
1) Perfect time to do awkward beached whale.
(In a room where the atmosphere is unbearably awkward)
Person 1: "wow this is so awkward"
(does an awkward beached whale as directed above)
Person 2: wow who is that crazy man ?
Person 3: "It's an awkward beached whale !"
Person 2: "haha that's hilarious"
Multiple people laugh and awkwardness stops.
2) Wrong time for an awkward beached whale.
(At a formal occassion where the atmosphere is unbearably awkward)
Person 1: "wow this is so awkward"
(does an awkward beached whale as directed above)
Person 2: (silence)
Person 3: (silence)
Person 2: (silence)
Awkwardness increases and people ignore the individual who feels even more awkward for increasing the awkwardness and for messing up his/her formal clothes.
Similar to the entire "awkward turtle family" but where you place one or two hands on someone else's person, and bend your fingers at your major knuckle (ones that attack your hand) and then flatten your hand. Repeat the process, and your hand will make a humping motion. Best for someone's shoulder or head.
1) "dude....awkward turtle."
"... awkward humping starfish ."
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The stealth and evasion game played to avoid detection by an ex, boring acquaintance, or other unsavory character.
Why can't that girl who asked me out find someplace new to study? I was playing Metal Gear Awkward the whole time I was in the library.
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When a male convinces a male or female friend to give him a hand job. It is an emotionless act, and is purely a mechanical action. The friend is guilted into performing the act, usually being unenthusiastic and employing sloppy technique. As neither party is interested, the receiver usually finds it difficult to maintain an erection, and climax is rarely achieved.
Neither party benefits from this transaction, and it is usually considered the low point of any friendship. This uncomfortable incident usually leads to a brief hiatus in the friendship while both parties come to terms with their awkward feelings of guilt/shame.
An awkward hand job may be used a form of currency or bartering system for minor favors or small amounts of money.
Used in conversation as "AHJ".
Example (Awkward Hand Job):
Person 1: I can pay you back that money I owe you next friday!
Person 2: It's fine, just give me an AHJ and we'll call it quits.
Person 1: ... fine... :-/
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Currently one of the most popular variations of Advice Dog, Socially Awkward Penguin features a penguin on a blue background.
The surrounding text is not so much advice as it is descriptions of situations all socially awkward people will recognize.
You only laugh at it because you know you have been there.
BE POLITE, HOLD THE DOOR
-socially awkward penguin-
THEY'RE SLIGHTLY TOO FAR AWAY
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a member of the "awkward objects" community of phrases.
formed by the relaxed and smooth crossing of the wrists featuring the somewhat vertical placement of the arms to form the trunks of the tree. the fingers are then free to move as though they are blowing in the awkward wind.
my personal favorite "awkward" is the awkward palm tree.
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Similar to awkward turtle, for situations when hair is protruding from clothing embarrassingly and offender doesn't seem to notice/realize. Put hand under top and poke hand out of neck hole, wiggle fingers.